It's Darkest Just Before Dawn
by trampvamp
Summary: Can Bella move on when Edward leaves? The road to recovery isn't always paved in gold, but it's worth taking.
1. Chapter 1

Its Darkest Just Before Dawn

A/N I finally bit the bullet. This is a story I had posted under another name before I wrote OAN. I wanted to let you all see it if you are interested. I am dusting it off and making some editing improvements, trying not to change too much of the story. It is 24 chapters. It was very, very PG, as my kids were reading it. That might change a bit here. The sequel was never completed, but I will do so when I post it. That will not be until I complete the current WIP Bars and Wars.

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own this little story.

Chapter One

Cliff Diving

The water wasn't as cold as the typical day at LaPush's First Beach; although, the sky didn't look any brighter than usual. Something about the constant grey and misting just seemed to be part of life now. It also seemed as if the weather reacted to my moods. Always grey and a near constant build up of mist ever threatening to break through my eyes and stream down my cheeks giving away my internal struggles. Funny, my mood always seemed bright back in Phoenix. Maybe it was the near constant sunshine and dry air. I guessed that more likely, it was attributable to Renee and all her antics. But then again, that was before _HIM._

"Bella, hey, sorry it took me so long to get here." Jake came running up the beach, shirtless, as usual it was tucked into the back pocket of his jeans.

Ah Jake, finally. "No problem Jake, I was just testing the water."

"Are you sure you want to do this? It looks like a storm is coming in." Jake looked briefly out over the water.

"Aw Jake, don't start, I have been psyching myself up for the past 20 minutes. I want to do this." I knew this would make him feel guilty. He can't do this to me, I need to hear HIM. Jake, for the love of all that is holy please don't back out on me now. I couldn't take it.

"All right, you're the boss, but let's go now, before the storm comes in." Jake walked toward the path.  
>The climb to the cliff ledge would take too long and I didn't want to give Jake the chance to back out. "Jake, let's drive up to the landing, we can go back for the truck after."<p>

"Cool." Jake said taking advantage of the opportunity to grab me by the hand and lead me to the truck.  
>"Jake, please don't, you know it makes me uncomfortable. I don't want to lead you on." I tugged at his hand.<p>

"It doesn't bother me Bella; I know you don't feel the same way about me." I got the sense that he believed that would change if he just kept persisting.

We walked the rest of the way in silence, me concentrating on the ground under me, Jake practically dancing over the pathway.

Whoa, it didn't seem like such a long way down looking up from the beach. Hold it together Bella; don't give Jake any reason to think that this is not a good idea. "You go first Jake."

"No way, what if you chicken out?" Jake shook his head exaggerating.

More likely I would slip and fall and hit my head before I even jumped. "Jake, I'm not going to chicken out, I just want to know that you will be there when I land."

"Okay, let's jump together then Bella, on 3."

Holy crow, no way! He'd think I'd have lost my mind if I heard HIM and yelled out to HIM. "No, you go first I'll probably kick you in the head half way down and knock you unconscious."

"Oh please. Well I'm going, see you down there and don't make me wait too long. Bye Bella." Jake took 5 long strides back and ran to the cliff edge and jumped; it looked like he was still running on the air for an additional 3 strides. Typical Jake yelling "yehaaaw" until he was too far to hear clearly. I laughed at him. It doesn't look that hard, I could do it, I told myself.

With my toes curled over the edge of the cliff, looking down, I took a deep breath. Oh what was I thinking? This is crazy, I'm jumping off a cliff just to hear some silly imaginary HIM. I better take 7 strides back, no turning back now. Here we go. I lifted my foot to run when I heard it.

"_Bella STOP. What are you thinking? Have you gone completely insane?"_

Ah, there it is. I'm sure the smile will still be plastered over my face when I hit the water. Jake will believe that I actually enjoyed this—ooh, that's good, he'll let us do this again. Perfect.

"Edward, what do you care? You left remember? Maybe if you would have ever let your precious guard down enough to do anything like this with me I wouldn't have seemed so weak, so fragile- human and you could have stayed." I screamed at the air.

"_Bella, No. Do not be a fool."_

"So, NOW I'm a fool? Huh? So I wasn't a fool to think a vampire could ever lover me, but this, THIS is why I'm a fool? Just watch me Edward."

"1, 2, 3, jump. Whoooooooooooo."

Holy crow, I was going to die. If I didn't hit my head on one of these jagged rocks or tree branches the water was surely going to finish the job. On my gosh, I am a fool.

"_I told you so. Now just make it to Jacob and do not do this again."_Shut up Edward. This was a bad idea. For crying out loud, hit the water already.

Oh, that's cold and it stings; ugh water in my nose, that burns. Which way is up_? "Bella, calm down; kick Bella kick."_

Okay, I'm okay just need to find Jake. That was kind of cool if I hadn't been so scared. Oh, something warm, soft oh, too tight. Jake. "Jake, there you are."

"Bella, are you okay?" Jake looked at me like he was looking at a ghost.

"Awesome! That rocked, let's do it again." I feigned excitement.

"Um, Bella, I don't think so. Look at the sky; we better go get the truck. You really liked it? You looked terrified and well, sort of mad." Jake chortled.

"Oh, the sky, Jake, let's go we are going to get soaked hiking back to the truck."

"Um Bella, we are soaked." His vibrant laugh reverberated against my chest.

"Yeah, right. Shoes! Man leaving the truck at the top really wasn't such a good idea was it?"

"No, probably not. Am I going to have to carry you?"

"No," I huffed. Ugh my feet are going to be a mess.

"Bells, let's go back to Billy's. You stay there and I'll get the truck. No arguing. I'm starving; you better have lunch ready when I get back."

"Deal."

Did he just let me off the hook? That's not like Jake. Well, he'd never admit it anyways. I was freezing and I really didn't think I would make it if I tried to hike barefoot through the forest.

Settled, I was going to go make some hot soup and grilled ham and cheese sandwiches for Jake. He'd be freezing by the time he got back. I would at least make him change into dry clothes and at least put some shoes on while we are at his house.

Hmm, he looked good with his hair wet and hanging in his face and down his shoulders. The little droplets of water are rolling down his chest, man when did his abs get so defined? And his shoulders were never that broad before were they?

"Earth to Bella." Oh no, I felt the heat on my cheeks, I was sure he could see the blood pooling in bright red across my face. "What?"

"Did you want to get going now or are we going to stand here until it actually starts pouring?"  
>"Sorry, I was thinking of what to make for lunch."<p>

"Sure."

"Oh hey, is Billy going to be home?"

"Nope, we have the place all to ourselves. Scared?" Jake wagged his eyebrows up and down.

"Jake, knock it off." What was he implying? Maybe I should just go with it, stop fighting it. It's not like Jake isn't attractive, or funny, or crazy about me.

"_Bella, be happy." _I gasped.

What? What is HE saying? What is going on, are we in danger? I whipped my head around expecting to see Victoria coming for us, or worse. Nothing. Why is HE talking to me now? 'Be happy', doesn't he know that isn't possible anymore? Anything else would just be settling. No, Jacob deserved better than that. He deserves someone who will love him the way I will always love….

"Seriously Bells, let's go." Jake tugged at my arm.

"Ok." I followed along, putting HIM out of my mind.

"Jake at least put on some shoes and a jacket, you'll freeze.

"Not likely Bella, fur coat, remember? Don't really need shoes." I watched Jake roll his eyes.

"Oh, yeah I guess not."

"Just have that lunch ready, I'll be back in 20 minutes." He left as quickly as that.

It felt funny rummaging through Billy's cabinets and pantry. There was seriously no food there. What did these people live on? OK, so it's going to have to be condensed chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese – no ham. Ah ha, a tomato, nope never mind. Honestly, couldn't they even clean out the fridge once in a while? It reminded me of Charlie's when I first got to Forks. I would go grocery shopping right after lunch. This place was in need of a restocking. I cleaned the kitchen while the soup started to heat. I would wait until I heard the truck to start cooking the sandwiches so they would be warm. I set the table and started straightening up in the front room.

There were pictures of Jacob and his sisters from each school year. I hadn't seen his sisters in so long I wondered how much they'd changed. Jake sure has changed this past year; he looks at least 5 years older than he did in last year's school picture. He looks wiser somehow, more mature, more experienced in life.

Hmm, I wonder what anyone would say about me if they compared my current appearance to my last school picture in Phoenix. There is no smile, no bright eyes, even my hair must look atrocious; it has not been trimmed in months. Huh, I haven't even looked in a mirror, not really, since, well, I don't know when.

I hated looking at myself when HE was here, I never compared to that beauty, that perfection. There has got to be a mirror in Billy's bathroom, right, I've never noticed. Well, no time like the present.

I took a long look. WOW. She kind of resembled me, same color eyes, but they are so distant, so blurry, not at all the bright clear eyes I always thought of as my best feature. The puffiness is new too, and the dark circles, those never used to be there. Even the color of my skin is different. I've always been beyond pale but there had always been some hue to my skin, some soft pink that made me look, well, alive. This girl looks like she belongs in a casket.

OH. OH, oh, this has to stop.

A knocking at the door startled me so much that I jumped. "Bella, what are you doing in there?" Jake's voice rang out.

Jake, Crap. He's back. I didn't even hear the truck. I have to get the sandwiches on the stove.  
>"Coming." Maybe if I splash some water on my face….<p>

"No worries, I started the sandwiches you left on the counter, the soup may be beyond salvation. I think it burned and it is stuck to the bottom of the pot.

How long was I in here?

"Bella, come on, I've been back for 20 minutes and you've been in that bathroom since I got here. Are you ok?"

Oh my goodness, Bella snap out of it already, he's going to regret the cliff dive.

"Sorry Jake, I just realized I hadn't cleaned up in awhile, I lost track of time."

"It's ok, let's eat Bella." I could hear the pity laced in his voice.

The sandwiches did taste good. I felt so bad that he ended up cooking them himself. Some deal I made, I couldn't even make lunch. I really was pathetic.

"Jake, I'm really tired from all the exercise today. I'm going to go home after lunch."

"Oh, ok." He looked so disappointed. I'm not exactly sure what happened but the next words out of my mouth came as a surprise even to me.

"Jake, Friday, let's go out; just the two of us; a movie, or dinner, or something, ok?"

"Um, like a date, hell yeah."

"Yes Jake, a date."

"What? Do you mean it?"

"Yes Jake, I do."

I could see the excitement on his face. Uh, I had just asked Jake out on a date.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

Girl in the mirror

It poured the entire drive home. It was probably a good thing that I had to concentrate on the road and couldn't let my mind wander too much. A date with Jake; I had no idea how exactly that happened.

Well, I couldn't go out with him looking like I did right now. I was a zombie. Okay, I had to work Tuesday and Thursday. I could get a haircut Wednesday after school, nothing drastic. I needed some serious sleep if I was ever going to get rid of these dark circles and puffy eyes.

Geez, when was the last time I had even shaved my legs? Ugh, I was a mess. Okay, tomorrow, after school I would go shopping for supplies. Nothing like when Alice would play dress up, but my skin was in need of a good deep pore cleansing and my eyes, well, they would need a serious boost, and sleep alone was not going to do it.

I was glad to see Charlie's cruiser is in the usual spot as I pulled up. I had planned to make an early dinner and get ahead on the week's school work. I needed time to resurrect the zombie during the week.

"Hi Charlie, I'm glad you are home. I thought we'd have an early dinner if that's okay with you." I said, walking in the front door.

"Well, hi Bells; sure. How was your Sunday with Jake?" he asked from behind the paper.

"Awesome! Dad, seriously that kitchen is worse than yours was when I first came to Forks, remember? Next weekend I am absolutely going grocery shopping and restocking that place." I began getting the ingredients out for dinner and setting them on the counter.

"Uh, okay." Charlie looked over his paper.

"Oh, by the way Dad, I have a date with Jake on Friday night, you are going to be on your own for dinner okay?" I guess I thought of it like a band-aid, quick and painless.

"Date? Bella, what do you mean date? You mean besides hanging out with him like you do every weekend?" Charlie's tone was riddled with sarcasm.

Uh oh, Charlie had that look on his face, confusion, alarm, terror, back to confusion; ah, there it is; understanding.

"Yes Dad, I mean a date, a real date, like dinner and a movie date." I sighed.

"Oh." Charlie folded his paper and put it down on the table.

"That's okay isn't it Dad?" Oh no, maybe I should not have said anything.

"That is great Bella, I'm happy for you and Jake." He sat, looking up at me.

"Just a date, Dad." I turned back to start dinner.

"OK. What's for dinner?"

We ate quietly, the twenty questions I expected, didn't come. Charlie helped with the dishes and I couldn't help but notice that grin plastered across his face the whole time. Was I that big of a mess that one lousy date would make him this happy? Maybe it was just because the date was with Jake.

I could just see it, Charlie and Billy conniving like a couple of old ladies trying to force Jake and me together. I laughed out loud and I think Charlie just chalked it up to my excitement. He wasn't that far off. We finished the dishes and I excused myself with some blabbering about homework and ran upstairs.

I had a lot to do and really only 2 days to get ready for our date. I needed something to wear. My closet was sorely lacking and I was determined to look nice for Jake's sake, well as nice as I could. No sense hoping for miracles. No, I shook my head, for my sake too. I wondered if Angela would go shopping with me. I could use her opinion. Ugh, how to ask Angela without including Jessica. I can't deal with her questions, not now. No, it had to be just Angela and myself. I'd just call her and ask.

"Is Angela home? It's Bella."

"Oh hi Mrs. Weber, I know I haven't been over in forever, I promise I'll stop by soon. Is Angela there?" Great she acted like she hadn't heard from me in years. Well, I guess I hadn't called Angela's house in awhile.

"Hi Angela' it's me Bella. I was hoping we could spend some time together, just the two of us. I need to do some shopping and wondered if you would come with." Oh no, what if she says no?

"Bella that would be great; we haven't spent much time together outside of school since, well in a long time. Right after school, right I'll have to be home by 7:00. Ben's coming over to study."

"That would be great, thanks Angela. Angela, do you mind if we keep this between us, I don't want to hurt any one's feelings."

"Sure Bella, see you tomorrow."

Angela would always be the kind of friend that accepted you for you, she'd hurt with you and celebrate with you, she would always walk that perfect balance, not judging nor prying, not telling you what to do. She would make a great therapist someday if she ever wanted to pursue that path.

So it was settled. Monday, shopping with Angela; Tuesday, work at Newton's; Wednesday, haircut and maybe I'll even get my eyebrows done; Thursday, work and Friday, come home from school, shower, shave my legs, dry and curl my hair, make-up- no-yes, definitely a little make-up, mascara, a little eyeliner and lip gloss –yes, definitely a little lip gloss. So then tonight I have to get ahead on next week's school work, I won't have much time during the week.

Surprisingly I was able to concentrate long enough to get through so many subjects. Now hopefully there won't be anything out of left field and it will just be any random quick assignments.

I wandered downstairs to say goodnight to Charlie. He still had that goofy grin on his face. Come on, there has to be something else on his mind. He can't really be this happy just because I have a date.

"Goodnight Charlie."

"Goodnight Bells."

That was too easy. I knew I shouldn't but I took some cold medicine, I really needed a good night of dreamless sleep.

Coffee. I smelled coffee, yuck. Oh, light, it's morning. NO WAY! No dreams, not a single dream; not even a normal regular old dream. I couldn't believe it. Charlie must still be here, it's early. "Bells, do you want breakfast?" What? Charlie's making breakfast? I better get downstairs. "No Dad, just cereal, I'm coming."

"Morning"

"Morning Dad."

Seriously, if he doesn't stop grinning I'm going to go crazy. "Go, you'll be late."

"I'm going."

"Oh Dad, I'm going shopping after school with Angela, I'll be home around 7."

"Okay, be careful."

"Bye."

Finally, I thought he would just stand there smirking all morning. Not Good. Remember not to tell him anything in the future regarding dates.

I ran through the house getting everything ready for shopping, I didn't want to waste time after school.  
>School dragged by, but luckily I didn't get a single assignment that I had not anticipated. No homework, perfect. Angela agreed to follow me to my house and we would take her car. Leaving the truck in the drive I ran in to drop off my book-bag and grab my purse. I left a note for Charlie with instructions for heating up his leftovers.<p>

The ride with Angela to Port Angeles was so easy. We were singing along with the radio and had the windows open. It was actually nice out, the sun was shining. HE could not have been out today. STOP. NO, do not think about HIM.

"Hey Angela, guess what?" Telling her about my date would keep my mind off HIM for awhile.

"Yeah Bella, what is it?"

"I have a date Friday."

"No way, with whom? Oh Bella, that's great."

"Yeah, you remember Jacob right?"

"Oh, that's good Bella; the boy has been pining over you forever." Angela really seemed happy for me, she didn't ask a million questions and pry for details the way Jessica would have. I definitely made the right decision.

"Yeah, he really is pretty nice and he has been such a good friend to me."

"Not to mention cute Bella. Where are you guys going?"

"Oh, I'm not sure. A movie and dinner I think."  
>'I'm just glad he finally asked you out on a real date."<p>

"Um, technically, I asked him."

"Bella that's even better, you deserve this you know."

"Yeah, I guess I'm finally figuring that out." I tucked my hair behind my ear and looked out the window.

"Okay, now what are we looking for a cute pair of jeans and a little sweater set or do you want to do a  
>dress?" As if on cue she stopped, not prying, not pushing for information. I remembered exactly why I always liked Angela so much.<p>

"Thank you Angela. I think maybe a dress, still casual but nicer than jeans. What do you think?"

"I know just the place, 'Toggery'. It's perfect." I knew calling Angela was the right thing to do. She wouldn't take advantage of the opportunity to play Barbie on me the way Alice would have.

"Alright, I also want to pick up some beauty supplies, like a face mask and something for these wretched circles under my eyes."

"No problem."

The day with Angela was so easy and I had forgotten how much fun it was to just hang out with her. We had to hurry home to make it on time for her study session with Ben. When we pulled up to my house Charlie's cruiser was in its usual spot.

"Angela, would you mind not telling anyone about the date? I'm not sure I'm ready to answer a bunch of questions." I wondered if she knew I was thinking about Jessica.

"No problem Bella, I won't even mention we went out today."

"Thanks, Angela."

"So, are you ok?" She didn't have to say any more than that for me to know exactly what she was asking and she knew that too.

"Yeah, I think I am; thanks."

"See you in school tomorrow."  
>"Goodnight" I called grabbing my bags and heading for the house. Charlie was at the door. "Man Bella, what did you do buy out the stores?" Still with that smile. Charlie waved at Angela as she pulled out laughing and waving back at him.<p>

"Did you eat?" Charlie asked looking a little nervous.

"No Dad, no time, too busy buying out the stores." So maybe that was a little uncalled for, but I thought it was funny.

"Good, I ordered pizza. It'll be here in a few minutes."

"Dad, I left you dinner."

"I know, but I thought we could talk so I waited."

Oh no. This was bad. Charlie wanted to talk. Charlie avoids talking like the plague. Not good. And he thinks pizza is going to make this any better.

"Um, alright." Really, what else could I say?

"Go ahead and put your bags away, I'll call you when the pizza gets here."

I barely had time to get the dress and sandals away when Charlie called up the stairs. The delivery guy wasn't even off the porch yet. I am so not ready for this.

Not two slices into the pizza and Charlie started, as if he had rehearsed all day. "Bella, I can't tell you how glad I am to see you smile again. I was thinking I might have to do something drastic if you didn't stop mourning. I know it hurt, I know he hurt you. But believe me Bella life does go on. I've been there, remember. I'm not saying you will ever forget him, but you will get past this Bella."  
>It was funny how he seemed to know not to use his name.<p>

"Bella, of course you know how much I like Jake, but Bella make sure he is what you want before you get too involved. Don't 'replace him' make sure you agreed to date Jake, or anybody for that matter, for the right reasons. Don't do it to make me or anyone else happy. Do it because it makes you happy, not because it makes you less sad. Do you know what I mean Bella?"

WOW. That's got to be the longest speech Charlie has ever made. The smile is gone, he is worried, really truly worried.

"Dad, I get it. I looked in the mirror yesterday for the first time in a long time. I mean really looked and did not know the girl that looked back. She had hijacked my life and I decided right then and there that I wanted it back. I deserve better than to let someone else, some shell of me live some half life in my body. Don't worry Dad, I'm back. At least, on the road back."

"Bella, that's my girl." Charlie smiled softly and I swore his eyes glistened just slightly.

"Dad?"

"Yeah Bells?"

"I think I do want something with Jake." There's that smile again. "But I need to get to know him in a different way and he needs to get to know me in a different way. I'm afraid he has gotten to know that other girl, the one in the mirror. I don't want him to like her. I want him to like me. I'm a little afraid he won't like me."

"Bells…."

"No, wait, let me finish. If it goes that way I know that it's my own fault. I want no interference from you and Billy, promise me you two will stay out of it. There is only room for two in this relationship, if there even is a relationship. Okay?"

"Bella, Jake doesn't want the girl in the mirror. He has been waiting patiently for you to return."

"Oh. Hmm, well, maybe…. Thanks, Dad."

The week was a blur. Friday came so fast I was on edge the entire last class. I jumped when the bell sounded. I nearly tripped over the threshold when I exited to the hall. Angela was waiting for me.

"Hey Bella." Angela fell into step with me.

"Hi" I smiled as we started walking.

"Walking to the parking lot?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'll walk with you." I answered.

There was nobody around as we turned the corner and Angela grabbed me and pulled me into a hug. "Bella, it's going to be great, don't worry and have a good time. I'm here if you need me."  
>"Thanks, Angela." I was so happy to have her back.<p>

"Ang." Ben, the ever faithful, always happy to see her, boyfriend called. It was so obvious he cared for Angela deeply, and she beamed when he called to her.

Angela gave me a wink and said goodbye as she ran to meet Ben grabbing his hand as they walked to his car.

My stomach was doing flips the whole way home. My knuckles were white on the steering wheel; I was surprised I didn't break it. I can't remember the last time I was this nervous. This is absurd, Bella get a hold of yourself. It didn't get better when I got home. I needed a warm shower. I started the water and went to the mirror. It was time to survey the canvas. Huh, the puffiness was gone, the dark circles were  
>gone. The couple highlights the hairdresser had talked me into lightened my face with a certain warmth that was missing 5 days ago. Huh, I realized for the first time since Monday morning, that I have not had a bad dream since last weekend. Five whole nights, that's incredible.<p>

Time to shower. Imagining the night ahead I let the water shower over me. It seemed to relax my shoulders. I hadn't even realized they were so tight until now. I used my strawberry shampoo; I know Jake likes that smell. Oh, what time was he picking me up- 6:30? I need to hurry; no time for daydreaming. I finished showering, dried off and turned on the curling iron. I went in search of that body lotion I got from Renee for Christmas.

Where did I put that? What is that beeping? Oh my cell phone; someone left a message. I got a little nervous waiting for the voicemail to announce the missed call and start the message. JAKE. Oh no, he can't, he wouldn't cancel on me now. Relax Bella; listen to the message before freaking out.


	3. IDJBD Chapter 3

Chapter three IDJBD

First Date

"Bells, it's me Jake, I just wanted to tell you how excited I am for tonight. I promise we will have a great time. I'll be over at 6:30, you better be ready. Bye Bells."

Jake. He better be ready. I can't help but smile. Oh these nerves are going to do me in. 6:15, I was ready with 15 minutes to spare. I could hear Charlie banging things around. I better go down before he gave himself heart failure. I think he may actually be more nervous than I am. I guess I couldn't blame him, he was probably worried sick that if it didn't work out I'd go completely off the deep end. The thought scared me a little too.

"Hi Dad." I walked into the kitchen the same way I had a thousand times before.

"Hi Bell, WOW- say goodbye to the girl in the mirror. Bells you look beautiful and I must say a lot more like the Bella I know and love." Charlie looked up from his sandwich, barely swallowing the last of it before he spoke.

"Thanks Dad." I smiled warmly at him.

"What time is he picking you up?" Charlie set the dish in the sink.

"Like you don't already know Dad." I rolled my eyes and washed the dish, setting it in the drainer.

"Nope, Jake wouldn't tell Billy a thing." He sounded frustrated, good.

"Really?" I giggled.

"Yep." He drank the last of his coffee and washed out the cup.

"Dad, what did I say about interfering?" I teased.

"We're not. We just wanted to know what time we'd get rid of you two to start the poker game."

"Dad, you two better not be here waiting up for us when we get home." I would probably die of embarrassment.

"Uh, no, no we wouldn't do that." Charlie quipped in a panicked voice.

I went to get my purse and touch up the lip gloss. I could hear Charlie on the phone "No Billy, change of plans. I'm coming to your place; she just about bit my head off. I'll be there about thirty minutes after they leave here. There's the bell, Billy he rang the damn bell. He never rings the bell. Oh man, we are in trouble my friend. Gotta go."Charlie hung the phone up and called out, "Coming."

"Hello Charlie." I hear Jake as he walks in the house.

"Jake." Charlie puffed out his chest. I could see Jake withholding his laughter.

"I'm sure Billy's right behind me Charlie." Jake said smugly.

"Don't know what you're talking about Jake." Charlie had to be blushing; he was almost as bad as I was when it came to the blood pooling effects of embarrassment.

"Uh, huh." Jake smirked.

"Bella." Charlie was actually putting on the big bad dad routine.

"Be right down." Okay you can make it down the stairs without falling on your face. Please don't fall.

"Hi Jake."

"Bella?" he sounded like he wasn't sure it was me. "Wow, Bella you look gorgeous." Jake's eyes scanned down my body.

"Thanks Jake, you look pretty handsome yourself." He did, wow. His hair, he got a haircut. Still kind of long, but it looks groomed and just hits the collar of his black v-neck sweater and the white collared shirt underneath. His muscular physique stretched at the arms of his sweater and across the chest. What no jeans? He is actually wearing trousers and shoes. Yeah, he definitely looks a lot older than that latest school picture.

"Um, Bella are you ready?" Oops I was staring.

"Yes, absolutely."

"Goodnight Charlie." Jake was nearly laughing.

"Jake." Charlie shook his head at us.

"Dad, do not wait up." I scolded.

"Tell Billy hi." Jake was outright laughing now.

"Get out of here you two." Charlie was blushing and chortling.

"Allow me." Jake said as he opened the car door for me. Okay so now I'm impressed.

"Thanks." Jake looked like he was going to hyperventilate as he walked behind the car to his side. I could see him in the mirror and it felt better to know I wasn't the only one that was nervous.

"We have reservations at 7 at the Italian place, I hope that's ok." I loved that Jake took charge but still checked with me. "Perfect."

"Bella, you really look beautiful." Now I could feel my breath catch and the blood pooling as I could count on it to do. So now that we are both about to hyperventilate maybe some music would help.

"Thank you Jake, do you mind if I turn on some music?"

"Not at all, what do you want to listen to?" His eyes focused on the road ahead.

"Um, do you have any Rascal Flatts?" Ok, it's Jake, stop freaking out and just be yourself.

"Sure." I found it, in alphabetical order, and laugh as I pop it into the CD player

"So, I caught Charlie calling Billy to change their plans, apparently Billy was coming to Charlie's to play poker. Charlie told him he'd be down to La Push as soon as we were gone."

"Oh, not just Billy; the whole lot of them are in on it; crazy old men. I swear they are worse than women." Jake was glancing at me from the corner of his eye.

"Jake I made Charlie promise he and Billy would not interfere, that it was between the two of us."

"Good, it won't stop them though; you know that don't you?"

"Yeah, but I figure if we both refuse to tell them anything they will give up someday." I stated matter-of-factly.

"Someday huh? I like the sound of that. Does that mean there will be more than just the one date?" His smile reappeared.

"Yeah, let's take it one day at a time, but I sure hope so." Jake smiled the biggest smile I have ever seen on him. That is my Jacob. I will make it my new goal to keep him smiling like that.

"What do you want to do after dinner? There is that movie about the dogs always causing trouble playing at the theatre; I wasn't sure if you would want to see that though. There is also that club that has the live bands, you have to be 18 to get in but I think I can pass if you want to go there."

"That sounds like fun."

I ordered gnocchi and Jake ordered the lasagna. For a small town the food was fairly authentic and I was impressed. It surely rivaled some of the better Italian restaurants in Phoenix. Jake had never had gnocchi before so I made him try it. He claimed to like it but I just wasn't convinced. I would have to make a point of expanding his horizons. I was pretty sure he was accustomed to a standard faire of cuisine.

"Jake, what's your favorite food?"

"Steak."

"That's original."

"Billy is not much for going out to eat so it's mostly meat and potatoes or burgers and of course fish at our house. He's not much of a cook either."

"Billy does most of the cooking then?" I asked between bites.

"Yeah, I'm not that into cooking, I'd rather eat." He replied his mouth half full.

"So I see."

"How did you learn to cook?"

"Renee took a cooking class once and I went with her, I enjoyed it more than she did. From then on I did the cooking at home."

"So will you cook for me?"

"Sure, I'd love to."

Talking to Jake was so easy we talked so much at the restaurant that we missed the start time for the movie so we ended up going to hear the bands, but it was so loud we couldn't hear each other. I wanted to get to know Jake more that I wanted to hear the bands so I grabbed his hand and pulled him up from his seat.

He looked at me surprised but threw some bills on the table and let me lead him out the door.

"Um Bella, is something wrong?"

"Nope." I could tell he was worried, his brow was furrowed and his smile was gone, replaced with a melancholy look. No, I didn't want that. I didn't want him worrying he did something wrong, or worse, thinking that I realized I made a mistake. I had to let him off the hook.

"No Jake, I just couldn't do this in there." I reached up on the tips of my toes and put my arms around his neck. I looked deep into his eyes and could hear his breath become more rapid.

Mmmmm, he smelled good. Good grief Bella, just go for it. I pressed my lips to his and felt him respond. He pressed his lips back to mine. His arm went around my waist and pulled me closer. His other arm went around my shoulder and grazed my neck and earlobe. I felt a shudder run down my spine, although despite the heat Jake puts off, it certainly wasn't temperature related. I think I felt him chuckle, but he didn't break the kiss or the embrace. Our lips moved in perfect time. This felt right; this felt like we belonged, like it would always feel this way. His tongue swept over my lips and it sent further shock waves through my body. I parted my lips and let him explore. His tongue met mine and it felt like I was electrified. He chuckled again and this time I pulled him closer.

No way were we stopping this now, although I had the vaguest sense of needing air. I pulled my tongue back into my own mouth and kissed at his lips ever so lightly. He was looking down at me when I finally opened my eyes. Hmm, neither of us seemed to want to move.

Finally Jake said "Uh Bella, I think we better get out of the doorway before we get hit in the head."

Oh, I didn't even realize that we hadn't made it past the entrance way. And there was that smile again.

"What?" the look on his face made me blush.

"Bella, I haven't seen you smile like that in a very long time, it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen." Hmm, I was smiling? "Bella it's not just your mouth, your eyes are smiling too, they are so clear and bright, and I feel like I can see straight to your soul."

"Oh, and what do you see there?" I asked teasing.

"You are happy." And so I was, interesting.


	4. IDJBD Chapter 4

Chapter four

A Ton of Bricks

I woke up to the sun shining through my bedroom, window despite the fact that I hadn't left the curtains open or the shades up in ages. Another rare sunny day in Forks; and unlike before I looked forward to it. I rubbed at my eyes and reflected on the previous night. Wow that was a great night. I'm calling Jake, wait what time was it? Oh, a little early to be calling, only 6:30. Alright, shower breakfast and groceries, I'm making Jake breakfast.

"Morning Charlie." Remember, tell him nothing!

"Bella," he smirked at me.

I poured some cereal and sat across the table from him. He's staring, what is he doing? Double check, yeah I'm fully dressed, what is with him?

"Did you kids have fun last night?" The grin he tried to hide peeked from the corner of his lips.

"Yep." I ate faster. He is not going to get anything out of me. I just about shoveled the remainder of the cereal down my throat and jumped up from the table. "Need to shower, bye dad, have a good time fishing with Billy." I trailed off on my way up the stairs so he couldn't stop me.

Showered, dressed, hair dried straight, money from under my mattress, grocery list and I am off. By the time I got to Jake's it was nearly 9:00. I let my self in, knowing Billy would not have locked the door. Jake was still sleeping; seriously did anyone really snore that loud?

I stocked the cabinets and fridge and set to making breakfast. I found a tray in one of the cabinets and stacked Jake's eggs, bacon, pancakes, juice and milk on the tray. I carefully navigated to his room; I didn't want to trip and spill all over Billy's hall. Jake was still sprawled across the mattress, his legs hanging over the edge. Hmm, how to wake him up? I carefully placed the tray on the little nightstand and sat at the edge of the bed. I leaned over and kissed his neck, and then his cheek. I made it to his lips and felt him respond. He kissed me back; stinker was awake. "Good morning," I whispered.

"It is now" he said. I smiled.

"What smells so good?" Jake asked, sitting up.

"Breakfast."

"You made me breakfast? What time is it?" He rubbed at his eyes.

"9:30 get up and eat."

"Kiss me first." He was pushing his luck.

"Fine but then eat, I want to go out." I leaned in and met his lips with a sweet, soft kiss.

"Thanks Bella." I knew it wasn't just the kiss he was thanking me for.

He finished eating, gobbling it down so fast I don't know that he actually tasted anything. I cleared the dishes and put everything away while he showered and dressed. We spent the day walking around at the beach and hiking through the forest. We laughed so hard I thought I was going to be sick. My stomach hurt and the rest of me felt great. I don't think either one of us stopped smiling all day. I hated to go home, but it was almost dinner time and Charlie would be back soon. I hadn't even figured out what to make yet. We got to Jake's and Charlie and Billy were there. They were preparing fish-fry for dinner. Well this ought to be interesting.

"Hey Bells, Billy asked us to stay for dinner and I didn't think you'd mind." Yeah, a couple of old ladies alright.

So Charlie and Billy were not going to live up to their commitment to stay out of it. Jake was laughing and so was Billy. "What?" Charlie asked trying to act innocent.

"Fine, Jake set the table; you two out of here before you ruin that fish."

The days and weeks went by. Jake and I were together as much as possible, but I spent a lot of time with Angela and Jessica too. We even spent time with other couples; Sam and Emily, Ben and Angela and even Mike and Jessica when their on-again-off-again was on-again. Sometimes even Lauren and Tyler or Eric would join us. The weather started getting nicer and we all spent more time at the beach in La Push. The school year was rapidly coming to an end. Spring break was great, we spent several nights at Bonfires on the beach; some with the pack and some with our other friends. One night Jakes buddies and girlfriends even joined my friends for a big beach party. Things were great. Jake and I were always laughing, smiling teasing and kissing. Charlie and Billy started backing off too. They got bored; we never gave them a single excuse to ground us, separate us or to worry. Of course Billy is a bit more casual about the necking on the couch and never said a word to Charlie the 100 times he caught us. He'd just laugh.

Everything was so easy with Jake; we could talk about anything and everything. I loved that I could actually teach Jake things, that he didn't already know everything and when he did, that he didn't make me feel small for not realizing that. Jake had plenty to teach me too. I actually learned to change the oil on my truck and he taught me how to change a flat tire. He had insisted that no girl of his was going to be stuck on the side of the road helpless because of a flat tire. It actually made me feel independent somehow, like I could take care of myself. I would read poetry to Jake and he actually started reading more himself. One of my favorite days was a day we spent just the two of us at the beach. We laid out a blanket and laid side by side on our stomachs propped up on our elbows each reading a book. We read until it got too dark and then silently got up, shook out the blanket, folded it and walked back to Billy's hand in hand never saying a word.

I loved to cook for Jake, it didn't matter what I made he always ate it as though it was the finest cuisine prepared by the top chef in the grandest restaurant of a fabulous city. Nothing ever made me feel more appreciated.

Time away from Jake always felt like it dragged even though I was much more social at school again. I joined into the conversations at the lunch table and was not as big a menace in gym as I had been. I guess the motorcycle riding and cliff diving and hiking was starting to improve my balance and coordination.

I was walking to the cafeteria with Angela when she asked "Do you and Jake want to go to Prom all together or are you going on your own?" Huh, Prom? I hadn't even thought about it. "Yeah, let's all go together, it will be fun. Guess I'm asking Jacob to the Prom."

"Bella it's in two weeks what are you waiting for?"

"I guess I lost track of time."

"Bella?"

"Yeah Ang?"

"I am so happy for you."

"Oh, thanks, yeah me too! I really am happy."

"What are you going to do about college next year, have you decided?"

"College, right. Well I think Seattle. Jake still has another year of school left so I don't want to go too far."

"Awesome, that's where Ben and I decided on."

"I haven't told Charlie or Jake yet. I guess I just now really made the decision." I couldn't bear to be away from Jake; Seattle would be hard enough.

First things first, I would have to ask Jake to the Prom. Of course he would want to go, what's the big deal. It's just that I haven't had to ask him out since that first date. Well that turned out pretty great so his should be no problem, right?

Jake's car was in the drive when I pulled in behind Charlie's cruiser. What is he doing here I wondered? As I walked in the front door I could hear some sporting event from the living room, there's a big surprise.

"Bella." Charlie greeted just like every other day. Jake said nothing, uh oh, something's wrong.

"Jake?" I called out.

"In here." Oh no, what did I do? I wracked my brain trying to scour my memory for some transgression that would have brought on this cold reception from my universe's center.

"Hi guys." I tried to be as bouncy and happy as I could without looking like Tigger. I jumped on the couch next to Jake. Nothing; oh this is not good, no smile, not even a little pull in the corners of his mouth. He stared straight ahead at the TV. Charlie was oblivious as he yelled at the TV and someone who apparently went right when he should have went left or some such nonsense. Ok, well, I'm not doing his in front of Charlie. I got up and went to the kitchen grabbing a bottle of water on my way out the back door. Sure enough Jake followed a minute later. Geez, I was actually worried he wouldn't. I can't take this.

"What? What is the problem here Jake?"

"Nothing."

"Oh great, really looks like nothing Jake." I kicked at the ground like a two year old.

"Fine. Are you going to ask me to your Prom or not Bella?" That's what this is about, Prom? Silly Jake, I can't believe he'd think that I wouldn't ask him to my Prom.

"Well as a matter of fact that was what I had planned for this evening. Angela and I were talking about…"

"Really?" Jake interrupted. "You really were going to ask me?"

"Of course silly. As I was saying, Angela and I talked about going all together if that's ok with you. We thought it would be fun."

"Well what do you mean 'all together' Bella?" Jake seemed nervous, what the hell?

"Well, not as 'friends' if that's what you mean. We'll probably all meet at the restaurant and then go over to the dance and maybe an after party."

"Will I be getting any alone time with you Bella?" Jake sounded like he was sulking, what is he thinking?

"Bella, I was hoping that Prom could be a time for us, you and me, to focus on each other." Jake took my hand and looked at me.

"Jake, I want that too. Eating dinner at the same table as others doesn't mean the night isn't about us, Bella and Jake, boyfriend and girlfriend."

"Bella, did you just call me your boyfriend?"

How could he possibly be this insecure? I guess I have given him reason enough. "OF COURSE; that is what we are isn't it? I mean, you don't want to date other people or something do you?"

"No Bella, I don't want anyone else, there is no one but you. I just thought that maybe you were…."

"Were what?" Suddenly every conversation with Jake about Edward came flooding into my mind. All the times I've told Jake I would never feel the same about him as he felt about me; that I didn't love him the way that I loved Edward; that I would always wait for Edward; the times I told him not to waste his time on me; not to expect more than friendship; that '_it means something different to me than it does to you'_ when he held my hand or put his arm around me.

The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. Between a vampire, a werewolf and me, the frail, weak, clumsy, trouble magnet human, I was the monster. I pined over a vampire that didn't want me like a pathetic puppy dog causing HIM and his entire family to have to leave town and made the werewolf who loved me unconditionally feel rejected, like he wasn't good enough for me. Ha. Even after all the time we spent together since Edward's departure, growing closer, he still feared that I would discard him for the vampire. Even though I had stopped rejecting his advances and actually started making my own advances; even though I considered him my boyfriend. I still made him feel inadequate, unworthy and worst of all like some kind of consolation prize I was settling for.

I was making Jake feel the way Edward had made me feel, not good enough. Surely that isn't the way I feel is it? I mean, maybe once I loved Edward and would have waited forever for him. Had I wanted Edward so obsessively because I couldn't have him, not really have him anyway? Was it all just because I was trying to prove to myself that I was good enough; that I was worthy of love. Was that love? I spent so much time trying to convince Edward we could work, trying to give him reasons to love me. Why did I love him? Did I really love him or was it just the romantic notion of loving him? Clearly Edward never loved me unconditionally. Sure maybe in some ways he loved me, but never the way Jake does. Edward could not accept my limitations; he didn't love me enough to do what was in his power to do; to remove those limitations to make us equals.

Jake has treated me equally, no, better than equally. He stuck by me even when I was in love with Edward, when I clung to the hope of Edward's return, when I rejected him, even now when he couldn't dare to hope these feelings we were sharing were real. Jake has never made me feel inferior or inadequate. Jake would always keep me safe but he'd do it with respect for my whishes. He would never leave me because it was just too hard, or because he grew tired of me. I could never do better than Jacob. Jacob deserved so much better than I have given him, better than the girl in the mirror. That's it then, I will spend forever deserving Jacob and relishing in the love he bestows on me.

Goodbye Edward, I'll always appreciate the lessons. Oh, I would never forget Edward, or the feelings for him, but I realized now that was not truly love for either of us. That chapter of my life is closed although I will always cherish it in many ways.

"Oh Jake." Then the tears came and would not stop. My body shook uncontrollably through the sobs. Of course Jake just held me tight and didn't say a word even though he must have been hurting. I realized he had no idea what was going through my mind. He would probably believe that I was crying over lost love. He had no idea the gift of closure he just provided me. I have to say something but I don't want to rush through this, it must be done right. Jake deserved that and so much more.

"Jake, I have some major planning to do for the perfect Prom night. Now you need to go so I can get to work, but know this Jacob Black. I choose you and only you. I will tell you everything else you need to know very soon I promise you."

"Bella." Jake looked at me, confused, trying to make sense of what had just happened.

"Now get out Jake" I said with the biggest shit eating grin I could muster and I hoped it came off as sexy and not like some ridiculous clown. Jake left and all I could do was hope he understood. First, I need to break the news to Angela.

"Hello Angela, it's me Bella."

**Stay tuned for the Prom.**


	5. IDJBD Chapter 5

**I hope you like the Prom Date. **

Chapter five

Prom Date

I am in love with Jake. Part of me realized now that I have always been in love with Jake. I didn't just love him and the safe harbor he provided; it wasn't just his confidence and sense of humor, not even just his persistence. I was in love with Jake; in love for all the right reasons. I'm in love with his personality, his mind, his soul and his body. I love Jake with every fiber of my being. I feel whole with Jake. I will never feel lonely or insecure with Jake and I will not allow him to feel that way again. Jake loves me.

Jake was right, a crowded restaurant was not the ideal setting for the declaration of love I plan to make on Prom night. The beach is where this all began even if I was too dense to see it then. The beach has always been our special place. I was going to need some help.

Sam made some excuse for Jacob to patrol the land near the Cullen treaty border most of the day. Sam, Quil and Embry did not phase all day so that Jake would be oblivious to our plans. The boys carried a simple patio table for two along with the chairs to the beach, we strung little white twinkle lights from all the trees and planted garden candles in a line by the border of the woods and the beach setting out our private dining area. Sam prepared the wood for the perfect fire; this would be no group bonfire, just a cozy romantic fire for two. All Jake would need to do is ignite the perfectly laid teepee of driftwood and kindling.

Emily and I set to work orchestrating our perfectly planned table presentation. A long white cloth flowed to the sand pooling amongst the grains. We set the center of the table with scented votive candles atop a mirror surrounding the perfect wildflower bouquet that Emily had helped me to pick. The glow from the candles reflected in the mirror would provide just the right light to compliment the setting sun.

Emily and I planned to cook Jake's favorites at her house. I would get ready for Prom with her help and Jake would pick me up there. Sam and Emily planned to go to the beach ahead of us and have everything set up for our arrival and then they would just disappear. No one would dare to interrupt the private party on the beach this evening; not with Sam and the boys standing guard. They could be menacing in whatever form they choose.

Jake arrived right on time and he looked so handsome. The nerves gave away the cool demeanor I could tell he was struggling to present. Jake really pulled off the tuxedo better than I would have expected, but with the amazing physique he has developed in the past year a potato sack would have looked good on him. It seemed so odd to me that I really looked forward to Prom when only a year before I dreaded the entire experience. Emily had been blasting dance tunes while I got ready and she made it so much fun that between that and all the other preparations I had made I couldn't wait for Jake's reaction. He was clearly pleased by my physical appearance and I giggled at his first reaction. He was pacing in the kitchen when I came in from the bedroom and he stood speechless wide eyed and I swear his mouth hung open. Of course that started the blush rising and gave him the opportunity to gain his composure.

"Oh Bella, God swooped down and delivered an angel. You are beyond gorgeous."

I giggled. This was going to be a great night.

Jake reached over and brushed the lone loose curl from my eyes and traced his finger down to my jaw and around my bare neck. He leaned in and kissed me so gently I barely felt it. His hand lingered behind my neck and we gazed into each other's eyes.

He took my hands still facing me and slowly began backing up taking in my appearance with each step. I was suddenly nervous about the dress I selected. It was more revealing than I would typically choose but it was so simple yet elegant that I bought it immediately and would not look at any others. The purple matched the tone of the wildflowers I used for the table centerpiece and was really the inspiration for the entire setup. The V neckline and thick shoulders was fairly modest in the front but mirrored in the back with a slightly lower cut. The waist was fitted and the bodice puckered together straight down the line of the V stopping at the waist; the skirt flowing straight down from the center gather.

Jake's staring had begun to make me a little self conscious and I switched the weight from one foot to the other.

"Bella please don't move, I just want the way you look right now to set into my memory forever, I never want to forget a single detail. "

After a moment Jake dropped one hand and slowly turned to lead me to the door. Neither of us said another word until we reached the car. Jake held the door and said "your Chariot awaits my angel."

I couldn't be sure but I believe my heart may have skipped a beat.

By the time we reached the beach the sun was setting casting a glorious mixture of colors magically blending and fading into one another and glistening over the water.

"Bella, why do you want to stop at the beach? Aren't you afraid you will get sand all over your beautiful dress?" "I have told you how beautiful you look tonight haven't I?"

"Yes Jake, at least a dozen times, thank you. Jake, I love being at the beach together; I have a surprise for you." I smiled nervously and wondered if he would sense the climate of my mood. Would he reason that is was nerves over Prom or maybe excitement? I took Jake's hand and led him to the beach. As we drew closer to our private party the lights from the trees and glow of the candles began to illuminate our own little Shangri-La. I knew he could see the lights by now but he said nothing. He only drew me closer to him his arm now firmly around my waist. The fragrance of the wildflowers wafted across the beach and mixed with the smell of the salt water now gently misting across the beach and spraying up on the rocks.

I wondered silently what Jake was thinking and as I glanced up into his eyes I saw the moisture just as it started to overflow into one large teardrop that seemed to hold its place in the corner of his eye for an eternity before rolling singly down his russet cheek.

"Oh Bella." In two simple words I could feel the outpouring of absolute love and acceptance. The words carried with them all of the confirmation I would ever need that what I felt now was love, pure unadulterated love. It would never waiver, never fade, never dull in its intensity. This was right. This was the way it always should have been. This was Jacob and Bella.

"Jake, I promised you that I would tell you everything. I love you. I am head over heels in love with you and only you. I have never and will never love another so completely. It has always been you and always will be you. Please don't ever doubt that. I am sorry that it took me some time to figure it out. You have taught me what love is Jake and your love has made me feel worthy of loving another, you. I will never be able to thank you enough for this gift. I only hope that this symbol tonight can begin to show you what you mean to me."

"I love you Bella, thank you." The love radiating between us was nothing short of awe inspiring. It seemed as though I could reach out and touch it, feel it and hold it close.

We took turns feeding each other by the candle light and snuggling on the blanket before the fire. Jake began kissing me with the sweetest little kisses ever. It made me feel like I would melt right into is arms. I intensified the kiss, exploring his tongue. He didn't resist.

I felt Jake's hands slide down my back, trailing over my ass as he pulled me on top of him. I tried not to, but I moaned as he cupped and squeezed lightly. His smirk against my lips only managed to increase the desire and need I felt for him. Our lips were locked in the passionate dance unlike any other we had yet shared. Yes, of course we had kissed before, but not like this, not with this intensity and need. My hands slid softly up his chest, exploring the defined abs and pecs that lay just under the cover of his tuxedo shirt.

Slowly, I slipped one button from the hole, and then another. Jake pulled back from my lips, looking up at me. "Bella, what are you doing?" His eyes narrowed, and the look on his face made me question my actions myself.

"Shhh, Jake, I want you to make love to me." I thread another button through its opening, looking into his eyes.

"Bella, you don't have to do that," he smiled.

"Are you saying you don't want to Jake? Because I am sure, completely sure, I want this, I want you. I want you to be the one." I slid my hand through the opening in his shirt and felt his hot skin, the ripples of his chest as his breathing picked up.

"I just don't ever want you to regret it Bella. You don't have to prove anything to me." He kissed me lightly.

"I am not trying to prove anything Jake, honestly, and I will never regret this, I love you." I kissed back softly against his lips, his hold on me tightened.

"Well, as much as I want to Bella, we can't. I don't um…have a… um…you know." Jake chuckled as his lips crashed harder against mine.

Giggling, I rolled off of him and grabbed my bag, pulling out a box of condoms, throwing them to him. "You can thank Sam later. He bought them."

"You planned this?" Jake snickered, grabbing the box, his cheeks were bright red.

"Not exactly, I did want to be prepared just in case it felt right though." I could feel the heat of the crimson spread down my chest as I lay back down next to Jake.

"My little girl scout, huh?" Jake teased. I shut him up my reaching for the clasp on his trousers.

"Whoa. Easy tiger." Jake took my hand, rolling me over to my back; he looked down into my eyes and smiled.

Jake kissed me with the tenderest little pecks; he crossed my jaw and lingered softly on his way down my neck. I felt the desire rising in me as he neared the deep V of my dress, his large hot hand pushed the fabric aside. His lips continued with soft kisses across the swell.

My hands completed unbuttoning his shirt, untying the tie and sliding the shirt down his arms. His biceps tight, holding his weight, I reached up kissing them as he nipped at my bare breast. The feel of his tongue running over my nipple shot lightening rods through my spine, I clenched and spasms took me over.

I heard Jake chuckle but he didn't stop. His hand was sliding the dress up my legs, his fingers burning a trail of passion up my thighs. I felt him lift my hips and push the dress up my hips and back.

I sat up as he pulled it over my head, gently laying it beside us on the blanket. Jake looked down at me and I could hear the groan he tried to cover up. I slid my hand down to the waistband of his trousers again and this time he let me unfasten them, and push them down his hips.

Jake's hands played with the band to my panties awhile causing me to moan out and wriggle beneath him. I wanted to feel his fingers on me in the worst way. Finally he rolled them down my hips and legs and put them in the growing pile of clothing. He stepped out of his trousers and leaned back over me, kissing harder.

I could feel his apprehension at putting all his weight on me and I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him to my body. I had never been fully naked, lying with a man before. It was so much more than I expected it to be. The feel of his warm skin against me, there was no chance I would be too cold. I felt his knee wedge mine apart slightly and he put most of his weight on the leg, still pressed tight against my chest.

The kiss deepened and with one hand holding himself up the other caressed over my body, not missing a spot that he could reach. His lips kissed along my jaw and he whispered in my ear, "I Love you Bella. Are you sure?"

"Yes. I have never been more sure of anything. Jake."

Apparently, sex and sand were not the world's greatest combination. Who knew? Jake's knees kept digging into the sand and despite the blanket, it was getting everywhere. I had sand in my mouth, from kissing down his chest. I was laughing so hard at both of us trying to spit sand out that I barely felt that first push of his penetration.

"Bella, I don't think this is going to work too well. I don't want our first time to be like this."

"I know Jake, I am sorry, I had no idea this would happen. How about we wait until later?"

"Well, we will never forget this that's for sure, uh babe?" Jake laughed.

"Babe, nothing will ever mean more to me."

We made it to the dance after all the cafeteria crowd was already assembled at our table. Our friends watched us cross the dance floor to join them as though they could all read the love and bond between us. The only look interesting me was Jakes and that was a look I hope to see for years to come. Angela smiled demurely and I knew that she understood and she turned and locked eyes with Ben, her true love.

We all danced and laughed reminiscing over our past beach trips and group outings. I danced with Mike and Eric and Tyler and Jake took the obligatory turns around the floor with Angela, Jessica and Lauren. Dancing with Jake was the best despite the fact that we barely moved out of a small little square. I could sway to the music in Jake's arms forever. A year ago I would not have believed it was possible to be as happy as I was right now.

Bella's dress is based on this:

(dot)com/2009/04/ameliawedding-dressbridal-gown(dot)html


	6. IDJBD Chapter 6

Chapter six

College Plans

I woke with a start and jumped up when the clock blinked 11:30 at me. I can't believe I slept so late. What a perfect night Prom had been. It could not have been better. Giddy with excitement I rushed to the bathroom to get ready for the day. I would need to shower and use conditioner to get all the knots and hair spray out of my hair. It was worth it. I finished showering and drying my hair and headed to the kitchen to make sure I had everything I would need for dinner. Billy and Jake were joining us tonight. I began prepping the ground beef for the meatballs and started my sauce to simmer. By the time the meatballs were ready to go into the oven the house was picked up and I turned my concentration to setting the table as I heard Jake and Billy pull up.

"Hi Billy, Jake." Billy took his usual spot in front of the TV and grabbed the remote. Babe Winkleman's fishing show was blaring within minutes. Jake came into the kitchen and stood behind me at the sink putting his arms around my waist and pulling me close. I could hear the intake of breath as he smelled my hair.

"Bella, last night was amazing, thank you."

I was glad I was not facing him as I responded; "You're welcome" I'm sure he could still feel the blush rising on my cheeks. It was nice just being in Jake's arms and he kissed down my neck and shoulder. I chuckled when Jake jumped at the sound of Charlie in the doorway. I should have warned him when I heard him come through the front door and hang up his gun belt, but I just didn't want him to stop.

"Kids," Charlie said. I wasn't sure if that was a greeting or a reprimand.

"Hi Dad, dinner's almost ready, would you go get Billy."

"Smells great Bella." While Charlie complimented me and headed to the living room to get Billy, I turned to Jake and winked.

The men sat down and once I finished serving helpings onto their plates I proposed a toast, "to family."

"To family." Jake looked over to me quizzically.

"I have an announcement to make. I wanted to let you all know that I have decided to go to Seattle for school in the fall. I can't bear to be any farther away from any of you than that, especially you Jake."

"Don't worry Bella I will keep an eye on both of them for you." Billy was smiling and nodded to Charlie and Jacob.

I noticed they were inhaling their food now so I added, "Well if I expect any of the three of you to eat I'll come home often, don't worry." I would have to or who knows what they would eat, honestly.

"I can come and visit too Bella, you don't always have to come home." Jake replied. Charlie got that nervous look in his eye and Billy burst out laughing.

"OK boys, finish eating and then please go watch some sports." It really did feel like a family.

While Jake helped me with the dishes he whispered into my ear, "Bella, I can't wait to visit you at school."

"I can't wait either." I said nibbling on his ear. "You know I think of you as my family now, Billy too."

"So do we Bella, so do we."

Jake and I talked. I was excited at how easily this was going to work out. I just wished I didn't have to work full time all summer to afford it; it would mean time away from Jake.

"I'm going to be running some extra patrols for the next few nights Bella. The others saw something in the woods last night after we left for Prom."

"Victoria?"

"Probably, but she wasn't alone if it was her. No one recognized the scent."

"So is this going to be our summer Jake, me working full time and you running patrols for vampires out to get me?"

"I promise Bella, we will have time for us."

"I know that Jake, it just annoys me that she is still causing trouble. Why can't she just go away?"

"Don't worry, we'll figure something out." He changed the subject. "Are you excited for graduation?"

"Yes and no, Renee can't come, Phil has some big baseball thing."

"I'm sorry Bella; I know how much you would like her to be here."

"Actually Jake, the less time she spends in Forks the better. I couldn't handle it if Victoria used Renee to get to me."

"I promise you Bella, Victoria will not win."

Jake and Billy said goodnight and Charlie and I waved from the porch watching them drive off. Charlie said he was calling it a night so that he could be up early for fishing with Billy. I said goodnight and headed to my room. I responded to email from Renee and must have fallen asleep reading.

The smell of pancakes and warm maple syrup filled the house waking me from the most peaceful slumber. Mmmm, it smelled so good.

"Good morning Bells; my turn to make you breakfast in bed." Jake beamed.

"Kiss me first." I teased remembering what he had said when I made him breakfast in bed.

"Gladly." Jake kneeled on the end of the bed and crawled up to meet me trapping me under him. Kissing the top of my head Jake maneuvered one arm around the back of my neck holding all his weight inches above my quivering body on his one arm. His mouth worked down my cheek and to my jaw where he placed tiny soft tickles of kisses all along my jaw. As his lips finally met my mouth I was gasping. I searched for his face with my hands caressing his cheeks and running my fingers through his hair. The kisses grew deeper and faster and I could feel Jake's arm trembling. I pulled him down on top of me and threw my arms around his back and waist holding him to me. I half expected Jake to stop but he didn't. He moved from my mouth to my neck and nibbled gently on my earlobe. His tongue flicked in little circles around my collarbone and I put my head back and arched my back up to meet him. Jake pushed me back down into the bed and took my wrist raising my arm above my head and continued kissing more deeply along my neck and down my other shoulder. Suddenly Jake stopped and whispered into my ear, "Your pancakes are getting cold." NO. Jake rolled over and reached out for the plate feeding me bite after bite of pancakes, dribbling syrup all over my face. He promised to lick it off later so I resisted the urge to wipe my face.

"Happy Graduation Day, Bella." Jake laughed.

Graduation day is finally here. All I could think of as I tried to get ready for my last trip to Forks High was my amazing breakfast and it had nothing to do with the pancakes. I was still blushing when I walked across the stage to collect my diploma and was only slightly embarrassed at Billy, Charlie and Jake hollering and cheering when my name was called. Despite the earlier requests to hold applause until the end no one said anything. Of course Charlie is the Chief of Police and armed so that never really was a concern. We all had dinner at the only nice restaurant in town and the whole pack was at Charlie's when we got back. Emily made a cake and the boys threw TP in all the trees. Charlie was going to be mad.

I really just wanted to be alone with Jake. My mind kept wandering back to this morning and I couldn't wait until everyone left and Charlie went to sleep so that we can resume the activities of the morning. Finally, Sam was chasing the pack out and offering to drive Billy home. I hated to be rude but it had been such a long day. Luckily Charlie looked wiped out so he'd be snoring in no time. I thanked everyone and said good night at the door. Charlie waved to Billy as the last vehicle rolled out. "I'm going to bed, congratulations Bella. Not too late tonight kids. Bye Jake."

I was happy on the couch with Jake watching TV for now until Charlie was safely sleeping but then I had other plans.

"I have something for you Bella." Jake whispered into my ear.

"Oh?" my mind went straight to the gutter and I hoped it had something to do with feeding me again. "What did you have in mind, more dessert?"

"Bella, now you're making me uncomfortable, geez."

"Sorry."

"It's a graduation gift." He said passing me the small box.

I opened it carefully and slipped the contents into my hand.

"Oh Jake it's beautiful." In the palm of my hand laid the most intricate braided bracelet.

"It's a Quileute version of a promise ring Bella."

"Help me put it on."

"I have to warn you, once you put it on you can't take it off except to replace it with a wedding band."

"Well then hurry it up." I said trailing off on the way up to my room.

Jake closed the door softly, listening for the lock to catch. Once it did he walked towards me as I lay back against the headboard of the bed. I watched his big body move closer. His eyes filled with a hunger I had not seen before. The way he looked at me, it made my skin warm and the most delicious heat spread from my very core. He came towards me with a sense of ownership and expectation that had me panting before he made it to the bed.

I swallowed hard as he pulled the tee shirt over his head. That amazing six pack rippled as he tossed the shirt on the chair. His huge biceps flexed and my voice was caught in my throat.

"Let me get my mark on you Bella." Jake reached for the bracelet and took it from my trembling hand. I watched as he secured it to my wrist in a series of knots I had no doubt were permanently fused.

When he finished he stared down at the bracelet on my wrist and slowly lifted his eyes up my body. My chest was heaving by the time his eyes landed on my breasts. The fact that he let his gaze linger there while his tongue slowly swept across his lips and moaned instantly fueled a chain reaction in my body.

"Jake." I wanted him, his warm body against mine, our naked flesh pressed together. His hand went up to his mouth, one finger against his pursed lips. I watched as his hands went down to his jeans and popped the snap and lowered the zipper. His shoes toed off and he crawled up the bed, straddling my thighs on his knees.

Large hands quickly found the hem of my tee shirt and began pushing it up my body. I sat up enough so that he could pull it over my head. Then he sat back on his heels and stared down at me.

I wanted to speak but when my mouth opened, his head shook side to side. I leaned back against the headboard and tried to relax. The beat of my heart was so loud and fast I thought it would jump from my chest. Jake's eyes seemed glue to it for a moment. Then his big hands slowly slid up my belly as he looked into my eyes for a brief second and then back down to where his hands travelled.

His hands made it to my breasts and covered the lace cups. The tender caresses through the thin fabric caused just the right friction against the hardened pebbling of my nipples. My breath hitched, and Jake grinned but said not a word. The next thing I knew his hot mouth had my left side in his mouth and he sucked straight through the fabric.

My hands went to his head and threaded through his hair. He felt so good suckling at me. When his tongue traced over the top of the cup and pushed it down, popping my nipple out over the top I thought I might lose my mind. The feel of that thick tongue circling it and lapping across it had the dampness between my legs spreading fast.

He sucked harder and his arm went around my waist, pulling me tighter against his mouth. My back bent in an arch while my head stayed firmly against the headboard under the heavy weight of him pushing against me.

One of my hands went down his back tracing the heavy cords of muscle on his bare skin. It seemed to drive him harder, I felt his teeth closing around my nipple and I shuddered as he bit down.

The hard sucking that followed had my head spinning. I had no idea pain could feel like that, so pleasurable. I could hear the purring coming from deep in my chest and tried to stop it. I felt Jake smile against me as he pulled free and kissed his way across to the other side. This time he pushed the cup over my breast before he started and I could feel the hardness between his legs as his hips began rocking against my thigh. He sucked harder this time and his tongue moved at a furious pace. I was going to orgasm any second at the rate he was going. I was sure he could smell my arousal; he seemed to know exactly what he was doing to me. I was just starting to shake when he bit down and then began sucking hard, my nipple throbbing in his mouth, but he wouldn't let go.

I felt the wave go through me I tried to stop it, but my brain was useless; my body had taken its own path and rebelled against it. I was shaking so hard that I barely realized his hand had undone my jeans and was snaking under my panties until I felt the rub of his thumb against that sensitive spot at the top of my slit and I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming out.

His thumb began stroking hard, up and down, faster and faster as he sucked and bit at my nipple. My entire body twitching and shaking, if his legs weren't pinning me down I would have been thrashing all over the bed.

He wouldn't relent either. He kept it up and kept it up, finally slipping his middle finger inside me. My body jumped, bucking up and I had to shove my hand in my mouth to keep from screaming.

All I could feel was pleasure and wave after wave of ripples through my stomach. I could hear the noise his fingers made as they pumped in and out of me. I was so wet, it sloshed.

"Please Jake, please, I need you inside me. Please."

Jake pulled his fingers from me and slipped my throbbing breast from his mouth. He sat up, pulled a condom from his wallet in his back pocket and began pulling my jeans the rest of the way down my legs. I had no idea how they had gotten all the way off my hips already. He pulled them free and stood, taking his jeans and boxers off and rolled the condom on his hard length. I scooted further down on the bed, still reeling from what he had done to me as I watched him.

He climbed on top of me and spread my legs with his knees. I felt his hands take my thighs and hold them out to the sides. He looked down at me and mouthed, "I love you Bella."

I took his girth in my hand and stroked twice, running his tip over my wet slit, stroking it across that swollen nub a few times. He watched his erection tease me and I saw his eyes close tight and the movement of his jaw clench.

With one push he took control and I guided him inside me. My hands went to his hips and felt the movement as he began slowly pumping and thrusting. He started so slow and then when I began to relax around him he moved faster, watching me as I nodded.

God he was so big, I couldn't help wondering if that was normal. I could feel him so deep inside me. His hips moving and grinding into me as he went all the way in felt so right. My hands found their way to his ass squeezing it tight. As he pulled back nearly out, I could feel just the tip at my lips. I shuddered as he pushed back in. He went at it like that for so long I couldn't keep my eyes from rolling in my head. I felt another course of that coiling tension in my belly and my walls began clamping down on his thickness. I heard him wince and groan and whisper, "I am going to cum Bella."

I fought to keep my eyes open just to see his face as he did. I lost control again and we released together in a symphony of pure pleasure. By the time we both came down from it, Jake was collapsed on top of me, and I held him tight.

"Oh my God, Jake, that, hell, that was unbelievable. Is it always like that?" I panted, whispering the words into his ear.

"Man I hope so," he answered.

We stayed like that for a few minutes and when I started dozing, Jake gently shook me and rolled off, grabbing tissue from my bedside table and cleaned us up. I watched him wrap the condom and shove it in his jeans pocket and slowly get dressed. He brought me my tee shirt from the hook on my bedroom door and slipped it over my head, pulling my arms through. He went to the dresser and looked back at me and mouthed, "panties?"

I held up two fingers for the second drawer and he promptly opened it and pulled a pair out and brought them back sliding them over my feet and up my legs. I grinned at the care he was taking of me, and even though I really had to pee I stayed still.

He leaned over kissed my forehead and said, "thank you Bella, I love you so much."

I smiled up at him and ran my fingers along the bracelet and said, "I love you too."

He stood and walked to the window, opening it, and looked back over his shoulder. "Sleep well." He climbed out and pulled the window shut and jumped. I heard the light thump of his feet as he landed and waited until I heard the sound of his feet trod through the underbrush then got up locked the window and went to the bathroom.

I slept like a baby dreaming there was a smile on my face the whole night.


	7. IDJBD Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters Stephanie still owns it all, despite my begging and pleading. I do however own…***

Chapter seven

Destiny

Summer was going by too fast. Jake and I still managed to maintain a healthy balance of time with our friends both together and separately and alone time just for the two of us. Although alone time was a favorite for both of us Jake enjoyed running with his pack and I became very close to Emily. Jake was dropping me off at Emily's house on his way to patrol when we ran into Sam at the corner of Emily's street. Jake pulled over to find out what was going on. Sam was clearly upset; pacing back and forth he appeared to be arguing with someone but there was no else in sight. Jake jumped out of the car looking around for signs of trouble. Sam's fist swiped across his eyes and I could just make out the moisture across the top of his hand as he dropped it to his side. Jake spoke to Sam for several minutes before returning and was obviously concerned. Sam was no where in sight by the time I looked back to the street.

"Jake, is something wrong?"

"Sam and Emily had an argument, I'm not sure she is going to be up for company Bella."

"Well, maybe she needs to talk."

"Bella, promise me whatever you do, don't pry. She probably won't talk to you about this so leave it alone and don't say anything about seeing Sam, OK?"

"Ok."

"Maybe I should just bring you home."

"No Jake, Emily is expecting me, if she doesn't want company I'll leave."

"Then I am going to leave the car with you."

"Fine."

Jake was acting strange. Sam must have told him the reason for the argument but I didn't understand why he thought Emily wouldn't talk to me about 'this'. I was Emily's friend and if she wanted to talk she could, if she didn't that was fine. That's what friends are for. I parked in front of her house and walked up to the door. I heard Emily sobbing softly just as I reached the top step. I knocked lightly and Emily stopped crying, I heard her footsteps coming towards the door. The door swung open and Emily stood, head hanging eyes to the floor and softly said "Come in."

"Emily are you ok?"

"Yes, Sam and I had a fight. I am so sorry, I'm afraid I probably won't be much fun tonight."

"Emily, do you want me to go, if you need time alone I understand."

"No Bella, please stay, I could use a shoulder right now."

"Of course."

I took off my sweater and laid it and my purse down in the hall and went straight to Emily's kitchen to get her a glass of water and a wet cloth for her eyes. I stopped in the bathroom and grabbed a box of tissues and brought the items back to the front room. Emily had curled up on the couch by the time I returned. I picked up the afghan over the arm of the couch and covered her with it and sat down beside her. Emily was absently playing with the fringe on the ends of the knit afghan and sniffling. I asked her if this called for ice cream and she smiled. We sat silently for several minutes when Emily started talking. "I feel so bad for Sam sometimes and other times I just feel guilty." I wasn't exactly sure what she was talking about but didn't dare to interrupt. She must have sensed that I didn't get it. "Bella Leah is making things difficult for Sam right now."

"Oh." I had a pretty good idea where this was going and a sense of dread overcame me and I started to thing back on Jake's words _'promise me whatever you do, don't pry. She probably won't talk to you about this so leave it alone and don't say anything about seeing Sam.'_

"We thought things would get better when she phased; we thought she would understand now that she knows the secrets of the tribe."

"Emily, I hope Sam didn't have to be the one to explain it all to her."

"No, Billy and her dad took care of that. We are grateful for that much at least. She really never has not gotten over it, not that I blame her and lately she has been making Sam feel very guilty. The pack mind can be both a blessing and a curse. I feel bad for Sam and I truly love him but sometimes I just feel so guilty. If I hadn't been there that day, if we had never met, they would be married soon. When she makes him feel guilty, I feel guilty and then he just gets that much more upset."

"I'm so sorry Emily."

"The worst part is that it's family, we were like sisters, and Sam was never able to explain to her that it wasn't his choice; that there was nothing either of us could do to stop it. When you are not aware of the true nature of the tribe it would just sound like a pathetic attempt to justify betrayal. Once she was aware, it was like reliving the whole experience all over and hearing all the others thoughts and not being able to hide your own thoughts is just torture."

No wonder Jake didn't want me to pry.

"I think I'm ready for that ice cream now." I found the ice cream and then noticed some bananas on the counter. I searched and found Hershey's chocolate syrup. A banana split was definitely called for. I made one for each of us and brought the overflowing bowls back out the front room. Emily laughed and reached for the bowl.

"Think there are any good chick flicks on tonight?"

"Awesome idea, banana splits and chick flicks, it doesn't get any better than that."

I scrolled through the TV directory until we settled on 'Nine to Five' with Dolly Parton. It would be light enough and funny without hitting too close to home.

By the end of the evening we were laughing and joking. Sam and Jake came back just as the movie ended and Sam seemed relieved to find Emily laughing when he came through the door. Emily looked up at him from the couch and they both smiled. Sam walked over and kissed the top of her head, and they looked like all was right with the world again. It was nice to see that kind of love and forgiveness.

Jake and I drove back to Billy's and never talked about the evening.

The next night we all attended a tribal council bon fire at the beach. Emily and Sam looked right as rain. Billy told the legends of the tribe and I saw him in a new light. He was commanding and gentle at the same time. I was beginning to realize what a big responsibility they all held. The stories tapered off and Billy and the other tribe elders each made their way home leaving the pack and the girlfriends. We turned up the music and hung out. It was a nice break from the stress of worrying about Victoria and the coming school year. By the time Jake dropped me at home I was exhausted.

The next two weeks were consumed with work, packing and goodbye parties. It seemed like everyone in the Forks High senior class was having some kind of going off to college party. Jake was too busy running patrols so I attended some of the parties with my friends and made excuses for the others. Mr. & Mrs. Newton threw a party for Mike and me at the store on our last Saturday. I was embarrassed by the attention, but they had been so generous to me and promised me hours over the school breaks and summer vacation so I acted excited.

I was all registered for classes and packed. In a week it would be time to go. Jake was busy running double patrols and the pack began to close in on Victoria. They almost had her two weeks before when she made a critical error and ran too close to where the patrols were passing. She was never alone and so far there were numerous new scents always around her. I hated not being able to spend these last few nights with Jake.

I woke up early on Saturday morning and ate my last breakfast at Charlie's while Jake and Charlie loaded the truck.

"Goodbye Bella." Charlie said hugging me goodbye. I'm glad Jake is driving with me to Seattle to move me into my dorm. Charlie could not leave Forks now with the search for the wild animals creating havoc still underway. Charlie will just get emotional and besides Jake is better suited to run boxes up and down stairs.

We made record time to Seattle and I was feeling anxious about Jake leaving. I think that's why he drove so fast, so we would have more time together once we got settled.

Jake made several trips up and down retrieving boxes from my truck while I started unpacking.

"Last box Bella." Jake declared and flopped down on my bed.

There was a knock at the door and a girl identifying herself as Mellissa, my roommate, walked into the room.

"Hello, nice to meet you" I said.

Jake turned to say hello and my life ripped from the threads that held it together. This must be what it feels like to have the muscle tear from your bone, your organs liquefy and the blood drain from your veins. Looking at Jacob's head violently shifting from Mellissa to me and back again felt like the cruelest form of torture. This is worse than the pain of venom burning through your body. Suddenly I understood the pain and anguish of the people who have impacted my life. To envision the future but be unable to alter it; to feel the emotions of another as if you felt it yourself; to feel the impact of severing ties and binding completely against your own will to another and finally to finally feel the anguish of being unable to know the thoughts of the one you love no matter how desperately you try.

"Bella." Jake cried out while he clearly tried to fight at the pull shredding what connected us, ties desperately searching for their new home. I could see our future unraveling with each passing second. The feeling of resentment, anguish and despair flowing from Jake overwhelmed me to the point I felt like I would drop to the ground. Mellissa's confusion and fear emanating through the room cruelly anchored me in place.

I felt sick and empty and suddenly, ironically, complete understanding. It was always a risk but not one either of us ever expected to face. It was supposed to be rare. Imprinting was not an exact science after all. Oh poor Jake. The pain he would believe this will cause me must be torturing him. We knew from Sam's experience that the wolf's reaction would be absolute and unwavering. Jake's feelings for me would alter instantly forever. Jake would always feel guilty and pained at hurting me but he would be unable to change anything. The love and connection he will now have for Mellissa would never lessen and eventually Mellissa's feelings will be mutual; it can never be anything but; Jake will be perfect for her.

What I had not expected was my reaction. I did not feel the horror or devastation I would have expected to come. I didn't feel betrayed. I could see my future clearly and it no longer included Jake in the same way it did a minute ago. Incredibly I see Jake and Mellissa blissfully happy and as a part of my life. I see love, albeit a different love, from two now rather than just one.

I see myself alone, but ok. I don't feel ill will towards Jake. My future will not be represented by that long ago girl in the mirror. My future is so crystal clear right now and the image I see is a strong independent, self confident secure woman where that hollow shell of a girl once stood. I will never forget this gift that stems from my relationship with Jake; the gift of myself.

"Mellissa, this is my friend Jake. He is like a brother." I could see the confusion in Jake's eyes but I would give him this gift. I would not make this any harder on him. "I have to run to the office why don't you two get to know each other. I'll be back in a little while." I can and will do this for Jake, but I have to get out of here, I need some time to myself. "Jake why don't you help Mellissa carry her stuff up."

*Mellissa


	8. IDJBD Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns the twilight characters & story**

Chapter eight

Alternate Plans

The cold air hitting my face was just what I needed. The smell of the fall air swirled around my head. Hmm, what is that scent, floral, it smelled vaguely familiar? No Bella, you are imagining things. And there she was not twenty feet in front of me sitting on the bench in front of the dorm. Alice.

"What are you doing here?"

"Hello Bella."

"I'm sorry I have to go, I'm busy. I don't have time to talk to you." "I am having a bad day." I could feel the tears welling up threatening to spill over and betray me.

"Bella, please." My memory of her did not do her justice.

"What Alice? What do you want?"

"Just to be the best friend I should have been before." Her bell tone voice whistled.

"What? Alice I haven't seen you or heard from you in almost a year. What kind of friend does that?"

"Bella please, I'm sorry. I know what happened. I know you need me. Please let me be there for you now, you can be mad at me again later."

The emotions flooded through me. Well that was it, I started sobbing uncontrollably. I vaguely felt Alice pushing me into the back of a car and climbing in behind me. Wait, who is driving? "Jasper," I gasped.

"Hello Bella." He said and started to pull out into traffic.

"Where are we going?" I choked out between sobs.

"Relax; it's just a few blocks."

Jasper was helping me to calm down but right now I didn't mind; I needed to get myself under control and would gladly accept the help. "Thank you Jasper."

"No problem Bella."

"Bella, do you think you will need Jasper's assistance? If not he is going to drop us off and go to Forks." Alice asked as we pulled up in front of a large security hi rise building.

"No, I'm ok." Hoping I would be. "Bye Jasper."

"Goodbye Bella."

"Let me show you around the apartment Bella; it's not much but is the best I could do on short notice."

"Alice, you rented an apartment?"

"No a friend of Jasper's bought it for us a few years ago. Jay still owns it but it is for Jasper and my use whenever we need it, emergencies actually. No one else knows about it and Jay doesn't even have a key, besides he'd never take the chance of crossing Jasper, he's scared to death of him."

"Bella sit down please." Alice handed me a coke and sat down on the couch next to me. "I know I owe you an explanation. Bella, I'm sorry for the way Edward handled his goodbye. We didn't know what he said to you until a few months later. He just told us that it was easier for you if we didn't interfere. We believed that you did not want the reminders for awhile. When I finally demanded to come to see you he told us what he had done. I came right away but when I got close to Forks I could see your future and you kept changing your mind about whether you wanted to see me. I waited a couple days trying to figure out what you wanted and you just disappeared from my sight. Bella, you scared me half to death. I ran to Charlie's and there you were sitting in the front room. I couldn't figure it out until I saw that Jacob Black. Bella you looked happy. I thought I would jeopardize that if I stayed. I ran Bella. I'm so sorry."

"What does Jake have to do with you not seeing my future?"

"I assume by what I saw happen today that you know what Jacob Black and the other Quileute's are?"

"Yes."

"Well it seems that I can not 'see' werewolves. As long as your future was intertwined with his I could not see you."

"Oh."

"Bella, you should know that I checked up on you a few times. I'm sorry. I know you would not have liked that but we had to know that you were ok and that you were happy." She looked repentant.

"What? Alice who is we?" How dare he check up on me?

"All of us Bella."

"But you saw what happened today, how?"

"I'm not really sure. Bella, you must have decided how you would have handled it if Jacob Black ever imprinted on another, subconsciously at least, some time ago. When all the pieces fell into place I could see snippets of you again. Bella, I've been seeing bits & pieces for weeks, but I couldn't know how it would end."

Oh great, now there are witnesses to my pain as if it wasn't bad enough. "What did you see Alice?"

"I'm sorry Bella. I saw everything from the minute she walked into the room."

"Alice," I asked nervously, "did He see it?"

"Yes Bella, I made him watch it over and over again."

"Why would you do that?" I asked horrified, it was none of His business.

"He needed to see it. Bella, I wish you could have seen yourself. I saw the future you saw and I am so proud of you. That little shit needed to see a true selfless act of love."

"Alice, please don't."

"Hmm, fine. This isn't about Him anyway. Bella, how are you doing?"

"Well if you saw what I saw then you know that I will be fine."

"But how are you now? I admire what you did for Jake but don't tell me you don't hurt right now."

"I can't explain it Alice. I feel a great sense of loss but it is nothing like when Edward left me. I know Jake will be happy and that means the world to me. I don't feel that same hurt. I wasn't discarded like an unwanted puppy, Jake is devastated by the hurt this will cause me but it isn't his fault or his choice."

"And that makes it ok, that it wasn't his choice?"

"Yes."

"Hmm. You are stronger than I could have ever imagined. What will you do now? You can't stay in that dorm room with her and deal with this everyday. Can you?"

"No you are right, I can't handle that."

"Bella, stay here as long as you would like. I'll stay if you want for as long as you want or I can go to Forks and be nearby if you need to talk."

"How am I going to explain moving out of a dorm room I just moved into?" More importantly what am I going to do about Alice? Can I forgiver her?

"Don't move out, just claim to have a boyfriend in town you'll be staying with a lot. That way Charlie won't know anything."

"Ok."

"Bella, can you forgive me?"

"Alice, I understand that you only did what you thought I would want. I understand that Edward was not honest with you about the way he felt bout me, but Alice you should not have assumed to know what was best for me."

"Hold it, what did you just say?" Alice looked confused.

"Alice, you should have asked me what I wanted."

'No Bella, not that, what did you mean 'the way Edward felt about you' Bella, you didn't believe what he said to you?"

What is she talking about? What is not to believe?

"UGH, and I thought Edward was the idiot."

"Excuse me."

"Sorry Bella."


	9. IDJBD Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight. **

Chapter nine

The Best

Alice comforted me for awhile and brought me up to speed on the rest of the family with one clear exception. It seemed that everyone was just sort of living in limbo the past year. Not that any of the Cullen Coven ever really progressed in a sense, but it seemed as though they have done nothing. No one was registered in school, Carlisle worked at a hospital in Alaska but no one else had really done anything. I contemplated how sad that was and wondered whether they felt resentment towards me or maybe towards Edward for shaking up their lives so completely. I wondered whether this was normal, something that happened every decade or so when they needed to move on; no longer fitting in without aging. I remembered thinking in the past how miserable it must have been to keep repeating high school over and over again. Perhaps this was a typical turn of events before deciding on a new place and embarking on yet another chapter in their never changing lives. I debated asking Alice but somehow I just didn't want to know the answer.

I realized that Jake would be worried and confused about where I had run off to and knew I needed to go face the music.

"I need to go back and talk to Jake."

"Here, take my car." Alice said throwing her keys to me. "I'll be here when you get back."

"Thanks."

I drove the few blocks in silence, no radio, just my thoughts. I had no idea how I was going to get through this conversation. I ran, how could I have been such a coward? I hope Jake understands. I hope Mellissa doesn't think I am a complete jerk; here I am her new roommate and I just left her with some strange guy in our dorm room and took off. What a great way to start the school year.

I walked back up the stairs to the dorm and each step felt like I was hiking up the Grand Canyon. The ache permeated through my legs and into my chest, or maybe it was the other way around, I had no idea. I felt just the raw edge of pain as each step carried me closer to that door. Having finally reached the door I took a deep breath and turned the knob to my future.

"Bella, you're back, Jake is the best; he kept me company this whole time and carried all my boxes up." Mellissa said smiling.

"Yep, he's the best. Do you mind if I borrow him for awhile?" I tried to smile.

"No problem, I have to run to the store, do you need anything?"

"No. Thank you though."

"Sure. Um Jake will you still be here when I get back?" Mellissa asked nervously biting her lower lip. I almost chuckled out loud. I knew Jakes was charming but geez.

"Probably." Was all Jake managed to get out.

The door closed behind Mellissa and Jake was at my side.

"Oh honey I am so sorry."

"I know Jake, I know." Jake just held me for awhile and we both cried.

"We are going to have to tell her the truth about us sometime, she will find out you know." Jake was right.

"I know, but she will understand once she knows everything. Not telling her right now will only make it easier on all of us. If she knows the truth about us now, she will never be open to you if she believes she is stealing my boyfriend."

"Bella you do not have to do this."

"Jake please, you have given me so much, please accept this. It is the only gift I can give you now. Just make her as happy as you have made me."

With tears in his eyes Jake asked "What about you Bella?"

"Jake this was the best time of my life. We will always be friends, no, family, but we can't fight this and I really think everything will work out."

"I promise to always be there for you if you need me Bella. I will always love you."

"Me too." I was terrified of what his reaction would be to the next part. "Jake there is something I have to tell you. When I left earlier…. I'm just going to say it, Jake don't freak out. Alice is here. She saw my future, she saw what happened and she came here for me."

"What? Why now, how dare she?" Jake said not hiding his fury.

"Stop, it appears that she can't see werewolves, so she hasn't been able to see me while we were together. She came to Forks and checked on me and found us together and knew that I was happy so she didn't interfere. She was wrong to leave without a goodbye but she meant well. Edward lied to his family so they did not know what he did until months later."

"So he's still a jerk."

"Stop it."

"Oh God, Bella, you are not going back to him are you?" The color faded from Jake's face as he contemplated that possibility.

"NO." "Here's the cover story, I have a boyfriend in town that I'll be staying with a lot. I'll really be staying at an apartment of Alice's as much as possible for now. I just can't stay here for this I hope you understand. You and Mellissa need to get to know each other. It sounds like you've already charmed her, so keep up the good work. Once you can tell her, we'll figure out what to do next. I know that you have to tell the pack and Billy, but please don't let anyone tell Charlie for now. I need some time and we'll have to figure out that cover story."

"She's coming, what's the boyfriend's name?"

"James."

"No way." Jake shook with fury.

"Would you prefer Edward?"

"Don't!"

The key turned in the door abruptly ending the conversation.


	10. IDJBD Chapter 10

Chapter ten

Blessings & Curses

I went through the motions of my first couple weeks of college. I attended classes and studied, I spent some time in my dorm room, mostly time I needed to be away from Alice. Usually it was times that Mellissa was in class or out, but I did want to get to know her. The more I talked to her the more I liked her so I spent some time at the dorm when she was there. It was awkward when she asked questions or talked about Jake but she was taken with him already. I wanted to know that she was good enough for Jake, that she would make him happy. In the end she would be a part of my future too. Jake was family to me and we would always be close, she was the type of person that would accept that and become part of it. The only times I really needed to escape were when Jake came; which was so frequently I wondered if he was even going to school at all. I knew from the others that being apart from Mellissa would be difficult for Jake. I still talked to him everyday and it seemed that we were both trying to figure out the ground rules for our new relationship. It was a struggle to spend time with them as they were discovering their new relationship. I spent time at "James' apartment" then.

It was Thursday evening and Jake was over so I headed over to Alice's for the night. She watched me scarf pizza and respected the silence while I ate.

"Alice in a couple weeks it will be one year since that night. I need closure Alice; please tell me what happened after …." Not really sure that I wanted to know, but somehow knowing that I had to know I pressed.

"Alright." Alice's eyes seemed to take on a vacant stare like she was in the past reliving that fateful night.

"After Emmett and Rosalie got Jasper out of the house and the bloodlust subsided Jasper left to hunt and he needed some time alone." The very words seem to torture Alice as she spoke.

"It wasn't Jasper's fault Alice. He was struggling when I got the paper cut but he was controlling it. Another minute and he would have been fine. Jasper didn't lose control until Edward threw me into the table and I fell into the broken glass."

"I know Bella. We all know. I'm just surprised that you realized that." Looking down as though she could not continue Alice finally cleared her throat and started again. "It is that knowledge that caused your Edward to come undone. The guilt consumed him. Edward believed he could never keep you safe, that eventually his actions would get you killed. Edward's flair for the dramatic and his propensity to overreact kept putting you in danger. First at the clearing with James; had Edward not overreacted James would likely have walked away at Carlisle's declaration that you were with us. James' obsession was in response to Edward's overprotective behavior. Edward has been punishing himself for that ever since. Then when he acted like a drama queen at your birthday party he realized that he couldn't balance his love for you, need to protect you, with his self control."

"But what I don't understand is why he wouldn't just change me; then there would be no issue. I wouldn't be a constant threat to the family; I wouldn't need to be protected."

"Bella, you've only seen one perspective of a vampire. You act like it is a good thing to be one of us. Bella, make no mistake; this is not a good thing, not a reward or a prize to be sought out. Ours is a cursed existence. What you have seen is the beauty, strength, speed, and for as much as you are able to grasp it immortality. You have seen only the positive sides of those few attributes. Believe me when I tell you the negative side is terrible. Take the speed or instance; to you it seems normal for us to move at human speed like we just take a leisurely stroll. Imagine crawling on your hands and knees everywhere you went at a very slow pace having to concentrate on the pace; that is what walking at human speed is like for us. Bella before you came around no one ever moved at human speed at home. While it might seem silly to think of the beauty as a curse, it is. The beauty is meant as a means of drawing in prey. When you are a vegetarian vampire you constantly have to counter that or your scents would be assaulted with temptation every second. Think about the rumors you heard about us when you first came to Forks. We portray ourselves as standoffish, that no one else is good enough for us, we don't invite conversation, or friendship, and we discourage it by appearing snobby. We count on my gift and Edward's gift to keep people at bay. Edward scans for thoughts, if someone is considering coming over to talk to us we either stare them down and intimidate them or engage in some behavior that suggests we couldn't be bothered. I search the future for any activity that would be a problem for us, like the blood testing in biology or a sunny day, or a human taking too much interest in one of us."

"Alice, you must have seen me coming."

"Yes."

"Then why didn't you stop it?"

"You were going to make Edward so happy; there would be so much love between you and you were going to be one of us. We would be best friends. I guess I was just being selfish again, I wanted Edward to finally have someone and I wanted a friend. I didn't see everything; I couldn't, not until certain decisions were made triggering new paths."

"Well, what else, what are the other cons of being a vampire?"

"Think of the other things that you already know; the pain you know about, the burn of the venom; it is not much different than the near constant burn in your throat for human blood. We struggle constantly for self control and that is not just Jasper. Our minds, you know that our minds work differently, what you don't know is that the increased capacity is not always a good thing. Perfect recall for example is not what it's cracked up to be. Edward suffers greatly from that perfect recall. Every second of every mistake, every breath of the pain you endured at James' hand is like it is happening again fresh in his mind over and over. It is always there even when you are concentrating on something else; our minds can distinctly think about several things at a time. There is no escape from it; we do not get a minutes peace ever. Because we can't sleep there is not even the luxury of that escape, no dreams, and no down time. When you are immortal, without escape, boredom and monotony grows. Oh, it's not so bad for the first couple decades while there are still new experiences, but after 50 or 60 years it becomes unbearable. Then there's the guilt; guilt for the times we are not able to control the bloodlust or the times we choose not to and for Carlisle, guilt for damning the others to this existence."

Alice sat quietly for a few minutes before continuing and I think she would have cried if she could have.

"We spend so much time and energy pretending, protecting our secret, to maintain some sense of familiarity and civility it can be maddening."

Alice sighed and I watched as she crossed her leg over the other and thought about that actually taking practiced concentration rather than the natural reaction it would be for me.

"Carlisle at least gets to work at a career that he loves; Esme too at times. For the rest of us you can't imagine the frustration of pretending to be a teenager, attending high school for the 100th time. Every one of us has at least half a dozen advanced degrees and yet we have to endure high school with less educated teachers in order to keep our secret." She laughed and then seemed to be lost in thought for a few moments before continuing.

"When it gets to be too much to take we endure another college or graduate degree. Honestly Bella, all the knowledge and perfect retention and recall and we can never really have a career because none of us can really pass for much older than school age. It's a double edged sword; if we don't go to school and don't go to work how long do you think we could go unnoticed in society. We would be forced to live in hiding. So we endure; we go to school where we are isolated. It is too great a risk to get too close to humans; risk that we will not be successful in controlling the bloodlust; risk that humans will discover our secret; risk of exposure. We don't invite contact and the humans tend to stay away from us sensing they are unwelcome, blaming that on our looks." Alice's eyes looked far away like she was remembering and picturing every moment in the telling of the story.

"Did you know that in nearly 100 years of attending school, not once has a human befriended one of us that is, until you. Even relationships between vampires are difficult. Our family is extremely rare, you know that. For most of our kind, the ones who are not vegetarian, relationships are based on fighting together, sex, or boredom or some such purpose. They are not typical relationships, not even in this unusual family. We never change so our relationships tend to stay fixed at a certain stage if you will. There is no natural progression, having a family, raising kids, growing old together, nursing each other in poor health. I suppose Carlisle and Esme are the only ones of our kind that have anything even remotely close to that."

Listening to Alice suddenly made me very sad. She's right; I have never considered the downsides other than the physical pain and challenge of self-control. I can't begin to imagine the difficulty I added to this family by my mere presence. "Alice I'm so sorry" it just doesn't sound like enough to cover it.

"Edward may be a drama queen Bella, but he's been right to take this seriously and in his way it is his selfless act of love to refrain from turning you. In a way, maybe he has been the least selfish of all of us. We were all so ready to damn you to this existence because we love you and want you with us maybe that, was being selfish."

"Thank you for being honest Alice, you've certainly given me a lot to think about." Could it be true? Had Edward truly not changed me for selfless reasons?

"You're welcome, now tomorrow were going shopping, no arguments."

I groaned internally but knew it was one of her few real pleasures, so I just nodded and accepted that I would end up the human Barbie doll once again.


	11. IDJBD Chapter 11

Chapter eleven

A Freak Like Us

My last class of the day, I was still not prepared for Alice's shopping excursion. I'd gladly go after the toll I put on her yesterday. It had to be harder for her to tell me the cons of being a vampire than it was for me to hear. Shopping would bring her out of it, she lost herself so completely when she smelled stores. Of course Alice was waiting when I walked out of the chem building and headed for Drumheller fountain.

We drove straight to the stores, Alice zipping around at top speed. We didn't talk about the previous day's conversation or anything of consequence for that matter. Alice rattled on about the new fall lineup at the haute couture houses. I had no idea what she was talking about so I just nodded politely. This would not be like shopping with Angela and I reflected on the shopping trip for my first date with Jake. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be Shopping Barbie with Alice again.

"Try this on; I still love you in blue." Alice insisted holding up an ice blue satin party dress at the third store.

"Alice, where in the world am I going to wear that?" It looks like a dress you would wear to a presidential inauguration.

"You never know!" She smiled.

"Yes, but do you?" I teased and Alice's face went blank, surely she's not searching for a future with me in this dress is she?

"Let's go, now." Alice nearly screamed at me pulling me by the hand and dropping the dress on the floor. We wouldn't be shopping here for awhile judging by the look on the sales lady's face.

As soon as we hit the sidewalk I asked frantically, "What did you see?"

"They are coming."

"Who?"

"Victoria and an army."

I hadn't recovered my jaw and Alice was already on the phone with Carlisle speaking so fast I couldn't understand a word.

"Give me your phone." She demanded while disconnecting form Carlisle. I immediately complied. Oh god this is bad it's just the two of us.

"Jacob Black, this is Alice Cullen." What? Why is she calling Jake? "Yes, I'm with her now. Victoria is coming." "How close?" "When?" "You are going to need to bring Mellissa, she's in danger too. Meet us at our house, Jasper is already there and the others will be there soon, we'll probably beat them there." "Yes, it's bad Jacob." "Can Billy keep Charlie on the reservation for the weekend?" "Good." "Two weeks tops, I think." "I will, see you there."

"Mellissa, Charlie, what's going on?"

"Let's get in the car." Alice was already pushing me into the door. She ran around to the driver's side and jumped in turning the ignition in one motion. She pulled out into traffic and hit the accelerator.

"Ok Alice, slow down you are driving too fast, and tell me what's going on, please." I was terrified as she narrowly missed the cars around us, dodging in and out of lanes.

"Bella, its bad." She was trembling but she did lift her foot off the accelerator a bit.

"How bad?" Even I could hear the lump in my throat as I asked.

"She has an army of newborns. We are heavily outnumbered even with Tanya's family and the wolves." Alice was back to calculating and I could tell her brain was moving at lightning speed.

"The wolves, NO. They can't be involved." I was getting the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"They already are. It seems that they got one of her soldiers while they were patrolling close to Charlie's house. Now Victoria is after them too. You are still the primary target it seems. They got close to Charlie's and now they know that you are in Seattle. If one of them finds your dorm room, Mellissa's in danger now too but only as bait to get to you." Alice's matter of fact clipped tone was all business.

"What's the plan?" I've been through this too many times already and know that I have no choice but to do as Alice says for now.

"We are all meeting at our house and we'll figure out a plan. If I know Jasper, he already has several strategies playing out in his mind."

"Alice, you said it's bad, you saw more, what is it?" "Who do we lose?"

"Bella, please, it's not going to happen, we'll stop this."

"Damn it Alice, who?"

"Edward."

"NO." I screamed, the sound starting out loud and diminishing as the thought settled in my head.

"He dies to protect you." Alice looked at me with a show of pity, I hated that.

"NO, Edward doesn't even care about me he can't get killed protecting me." I don't even know if I was thinking clearly.

"Oh for crying out loud Bella, do you really need someone to spell it out for you? The idiot is head over heels in love with you. He let you go to try to keep you safe. He lied to you."

"What? You said he lied to you."

"Yes, but not about his feelings for you, he lied to us about what he told you. He lied to you about his feelings. He loves you; he lied because he thought it was the only way you would move on." Alice was yelling the words.

"Edward loves me? Well, if that is true he sure has one funny way of showing it. Idiot."

"Agreed."

"Alice pull over, I'm going to be sick." Alice pulled to the curb and I opened the door losing my lunch in the gutter.

The long drive up the Cullen property never looked as foreboding as it did right now. Most of the trees had overgrown into a thick tangled canopy of green blocking any light and the brush along the sides of the road seems eerily alive. Gone are the party lights and signs of life that I remember. With a shock I realized it has been almost one year since I have been here, since anyone has been here for more than a few days anyway. It seems sad to think that this will all be over soon and the road will once again be vacant, allowing the forest to further encroach on the road until it is gone from sight, from the memory of the few humans that ever set foot here.

As Alice approached the front of the house Jake and Sam standing, talking to Jasper came into view. Poor Mellissa, I just barely saw her sitting on the porch steps with one elbow on her knee holding the side of her head up looking utterly confused as she comes into focus.

"Damn, the wolves are already here, I won't be able to see anything." Alice sneered and then her face turned to surprise, "Oh, that's weird, I can see; oh and I can see their futures too!"

"How?" I was as surprised as Alice was.

"I don't know, maybe I can see them now that I am starting to see them as something other than the enemy." Alice smiled as though the thought pleased her.

My legs felt like lead weight as I tried to get our of Alice's car. Jake opened my door and extended his hand helping me out as though he sensed my inability to gain control over my limbs.

"Bells." Jake greeted me with a bear hug that lingered just a moment too long before releasing me into Sam's waiting arms.

"Hello Bella, I am so sorry." Sam whispered into my ear as he pulled me into a gentle hug.

"Thank you Sam." I barely heard my own voice as I backed out of Sam's embrace and began to walk the three feet to greet Jasper.

"Bella, may I?" Knowing Jasper could feel my pain even before I exited the car I was grateful to have his help to gain control over my emotions.

"Yes, please Jasper, thank you." And the overwhelming calm filled my body enabling me to once again gain control over my limbs.

When I again had my faculties about me Jasper said, "I stocked the kitchen, maybe you and Mellissa should get something to eat, I don't want her to go into shock. She is about to get an information overload and I am sure you can remember how that felt, but she is getting it all at one time." Jasper was surely helping Mellissa to keep calm right now too.

"Got it, just let me know what else I can do to help her get through this, Jasper, she's going to need your help and I don't think that she'll mind once she understands what is going on."

"Ok Bella I'll keep close and let you and Jake know how she is doing." Jaspers eyes held that soft remorseful depth I've seen whenever he was overloaded with everyone else's emotions.

Alice was talking with Sam and Jake and as Jasper approached her they interlaced their fingers as I walked away from the group to talk with Mellissa.

I felt the warmth of Jake's hand at the small of my back and as he took his place beside me his step matched the pace of mine. "How much does she know?" I whispered looking straight ahead unable to meet his eyes.

"Nothing except that someone is after you and I wanted to keep her safe too. I was planning on telling her the old Quileute legends this weekend; we were on our way to LaPush when Alice called."

"Hi Mellissa, I'm sorry to ruin your weekend." I realized now that much more than her weekend was in jeopardy and all because she was unlucky enough to draw me as a roommate. Why didn't I just request a private room?

"Hi Bella, so what did you do to this woman Victoria anyway that has her chasing you and everyone else so terrified? Did you steal her boyfriend or something?" If she only knew how close she was to the truth.

"I'll tell you all about it but let's get something to eat first I'm starving aren't you?" Hopefully I could keep food down for appearances sake so that she would eat.

"Ok, well I'm sure Jake can eat, that boy never stops eating, have you noticed?" Mellissa laughed and she blushed when she looked admiringly into Jake's eyes.

"Yep." I don't think I can do this. Jake must have sensed my apprehension and in typical Jake fashion he said, "Last one to the kitchen does dishes" and he took off up the stairs. Mellissa followed and I resigned myself to doing dishes.

For someone who has not eaten in over a century Jasper did a great job of stocking the kitchen. We were several bites into our smoked turkey and avocado on foccacia when Jake asked Mellissa if she'd like to hear some of the old Quileute legends. My stomach turned as Jake started in and Jasper nonchalantly walked in the kitchen doorway leaning against the door frame. Jasper gave me a wink and I felt the gentle wave of calm he sent through the room. Mellissa really is a good sport she never flinched the entire time Jake relayed the tale of his ancestors descent form wolves. Mellissa shocked everyone by saying, "Wow that would be so cool, I'd love that. Jake, did you know the wolf has always been my favorite animal?" Huh, maybe there was something to this imprinting thing after all.

While we sat patiently Jake started the story about his tribe's natural enemy, the vampire. I had been so engrossed I had not noticed that Sam and Alice had joined us until Alice shot me a wide smile and a sly 'thumbs up.' I couldn't help but smile. I think that is what gave Jake the confidence to continue. As Jake finished explaining the tribe's natural animosity and duty to protect he looked at me as if to say help. I would let Jake off the hook with this next part.

"Mellissa, the legends say that vampires are incredibly fast, pale and icy cold. They never drink or eat. They are very beautiful which can be used to attract prey." It did not go unnoticed as Mellissa started looking around the room at each face, first to Jake and then ending, lingering on Alice and Jasper. I continued before she could freak out and I felt Jasper push another stronger wave of calm directly our way as he nodded to me to continue. "What is not commonly known in the legends is that there are some vampires that are what you could consider vegetarian, feeding only on the blood of animals. They do not take human lives, but it is very difficult and requires enormous control."

I paused to gauge Mellissa's reaction and I was shocked again as Mellissa responded starring straight at Alice and Jasper. "We aren't talking about legends anymore are we?"

"No Mellissa, we are not talking about legends." It was Jasper that finally responded.

"So which one of the two of you is controlling the emotions?" Mellissa's eyes did not leave Jasper and Alice.

"That would be him." Alice giggled as she looked adoringly up at Jasper with a gleaming sense of pride.

"How did you know?" Jasper asked.

"I have always had my own gifts, even as a child. Mostly I sense things that I should not know. The most common for me is birth, human birth anyway. I sometimes know that a woman is pregnant long before she does, sometimes I look at t woman that is obviously showing and I know the gender. Not as often but sometimes I know that someone is dying. Then I sense the gifts of others, especially if they attempt to use them on or near me. Like Jasper calming things down and Bella here has some kind of blocking mechanism, I haven't figured it out but I felt it the first time I met her at the dorm."

HOLY CROW. I thought the only one that I did that to was Edward.

"Oh Jasper, she's a freak like the rest of us. Can you tell what my gift is?" Alice teased.

"Some sort of visions but its different than mine, you definitely know things that you can't explain."

"Well welcome to the family." Alice was positively beaming. Jake shook his head with wonder.

"Finally, some place I can fit in and not be the biggest freak." Mellissa genuinely seemed happy.

"Um, Mellissa, have you figured out my 'gift'?" Poor Jake he looked terrified to hear her reaction.

"Yeah, silly you change into a wolf." Wow.

"There is one more story you need to hear honey. Sam would you mind?" If I could read Jake's mind I'm sure that right now it would be tortured for Mellissa to learn the nature and extent of his feelings for her. After all it isn't everyday you find out a Wolf is your mate for life and that you likely will have no ability to change that, not that she would ever want to. What I wouldn't give for it to have been me.

"Sure Jake," Sam began "Mellissa, there are some things we have to deal with as werewolves. One of them is the way in which we find our mates, our soul mates. It is called imprinting. We don't know exactly how it works but it is more powerful than love at first sight. When a werewolf meets its soul mate something chemical or physical transpires bonding the werewolf forever to the mate. We will always be exactly what our mate needs, perfectly suited. We are unaware of any instance where the mate did not reciprocate the same adoration and devotion. Nothing can change or stop the imprinting from happening, not even being in love with another."

"And Jake, you imprinted on me that day in the dorm, right? That was what was happening."

"Yes."

"And Bella was more than a friend; a sister to you wasn't she?"

"Yes." Jake nodded and glanced at me, Mellissa's eyes followed.

"Bella, I'm so sorry." Mellissa said with absolute genuine feeling.

"Ok, there is definitely something to this imprinting. Mellissa could not be a more perfect fit for you Jake, even better than I. She will fit perfectly with the pack and this crazy group." I have no choice but to admit, I really like her and she is perfect for Jake.

"Um, Mellissa, are you ok? I know this is a lot to take in." The tension of Jake's face had softened ever so slightly from terrified to utter concern for her.

"Jake, I've never felt more like I belonged somewhere than I do right now and as for us; I knew we were destined for each other from the minute we met. It didn't take any gift to know that we had a connection."

The relief on Jake's face for the first time today was the most beautiful sight. Everyone seemed to share the sense of relief and I didn't need Jasper's gift to know the calm state in the room was not Jasper's creation.

"There are a few things I still don't understand. Bella, what does this have to do with you, because it sure seems that you are the center of everything that is happening? You are not a vampire or a werewolf, so how do you fit into all of this? If vampires and werewolves are mortal enemies why are you all working together?"

All at once every voice in the room answered on my behalf, "Bella's family."


End file.
